Back On My Feet
by BarthVader
Summary: After an unexpected turn of events Kankers struggle to make ends meet, while rethinking their attitiude towards each other, the Eds and everybody else. Slice of life, dramedy.
1. How It All Start-Ed

**I don't own them blah dee blah. Seriously, it's a fanfiction site, those disclaimers are kinda redundant.**

**PROLOGUE**

**How it all start-Ed.**

**Lee's POV.**

___Sometimes you believe that you are on top of the world. Nothing can affect you, everything's going as planned, you don't have to worry about your life. And then God, Allah, Jehovah or whoever runs the place kicks you in the balls. And trust me, it hurts as fuck. Even if you technically don't have balls._

_But you probably want some context, don't ya?_

_The whole story started in late May. My mother was feeling ill for a few weeks. Fatigue, loss of appetite, fever, muscular pains, and pretty much feeling like shit. Technically, being a single mother with three dependent children, she didn't have to pay for healthcare, but she thought it'd pass away by itself._

_It didn't._

_One day we all come back home from school and find her unconscious, pale, lying on the floor like a ragdoll. I called the ambulance, we went to the hospital, she was being examined by the doctors and we were all sitting in the waiting room. Staring on the floor, in complete silence, holding hands (and we don't even hug each other!), waiting for any kind of information._

_After what seemed like a fucking eternity the doctor finally left his office with a clipboard in his hands._

"And what's with our mother?" _I asked._

"Erm... you know that your surname means 'cancer' in Dutch?" _the doctor said uneasily._

"How the fuck is that relevant?" _Marie spat._

_After a second we all got it._

"...she has it?"

"Leukemia." _The doctor lowered his head. _

"But... it is... curable... right?" _May stammered._

"I cannot answer right now. We need to make some extra tests."

_The following day I learned two new words. "Lymphoblastic", 'cause it was related to immature (in 'blast' state) white blood cells and "acute", because they were multiplying fast as fuck. I was way happier without that knowledge. The doctor told me there is a chance of survival, but this particular brand of cancer is lethal if left untreated for a few weeks and we came very, very late. You have absolutely no idea how angry we all were on ourselves._

_We were standing by her bed all the time, pretty much dropping the school for the last month. The teachers were kind enough to turn a blind eye on that. Not that we cared about anything. We were barely eating, sleeping six hours a day and waiting for whatever was supposed to happen, hoping for the best against all odds._

_Two weeks and three days later, I returned home to grab some ramen noodles. Hospital cuisine is shit. I was in the door, leaving, when the phone rang. I turned around and picked it up. No one said a thing. May was crying her eyes out in the background and Marie tried to spit it out._

"L-l-lee... M-m-m..."

"So, it happened." _I said in a mechanical voice._ "Wait for me, I'll pick you up from the hospital." _I hung up. Then I fell down on my knees, hands shaking, and, for the first time in eight years or so, I cried like a fucking pussy._

_After about thirty seconds of self-pity I stood up. I couldn't let myself to be weak. My mother died, which meant I became the head of the family. I needed to deal with all the formalities, bury her, find a job to pay the bills and support my sisters. ____Social services were out of the question. If they found out about the situation, we would end in an orphanage. And no one would adopt us, that's for sure – they usually want one adorable young kid, not three inseparable rebellious teenagers. Before we moved to Peach Creek, I knew a few people raised in an orphanage or living there. Drug-abusing lowlifes that made us look like a model family. That wasn't the future I wanted for my sisters._

_Day zero. I pick up Marie and May from the hospital. The former was forcibly ejected for punching a hole in the wall and overusing four letter words, the latter was sitting in a corner, sobbing, out of tears._

_Day one. I called my father, Marie's father, and a few former step-fathers of ours to ask for some financial aid. May's was pushing the daisies long enough to be forgotten. ____The responses varied from "Sorry, I'm broke myself" to "Get lost" to "Never call this number again". Just as my late ma used to say, men are dicks. If you can count, don't count on others._

___Day two. I started looking for a job. As you can guess, no one was looking forward to hire a seventeen-year-old middle school student. Despite the age difference (two years between me and May), all three of us were going to the same class, so we could hang out together. We never were popular, even before we had started bullying the shit out of everyone. It's a long story, and I don't wanna tell it._

___Day four. I realized May got thinner. I asked if she had eaten anything. She didn't reply, staring into empty space. I literally had to feed her some instant noodles and reassure it'll be okay and ma is in a better place, while she was clinging to my arm, sobbing._

___Day six. The burial. Four people attended. Me, May, Marie and the priest, who was kind enough to conduct the ceremony for free. I had to dig the grave myself. Marie wanted to help me, but I told her to bugger off. I needed to do this, to let out my frustrations, my hatred towards everything. I never was a particularly religious person, but at that point I was convinced deists were right all along._

___Day ten. Still unable to get a job. Some inebriated guy approached me and told me he'll give me fifty bucks if I blow him. Marie heard that. She shoved the barrel of my mother's Smith & Wesson down his throat, and told him she'll put eight bullets in his skull if he dares to repeat that offer. Despite the 'stalker with a crush' act we used to torment the Eds with, we weren't that willing to actually have sex. Alas, we have tits and live in a trailer, so everyone assumed we were easier than two plus two. Marie was a born-again virgin (I am ____not____ going into details), while May and I remained 'pure'. I wasn't even attracted to neither boys nor girls. Nothing turns you off better like a couple doing it loudly next to your window on a semi-regular basis, and the knowledge that your mother was sixteen years older than you. _

___Day thirteen. A car parts factory my ma used to work at sent us condolences and her last salary plus some extra cash. Not much, but still something. I asked them if I could work at her old position. Nope, already hired someone else. Marie got into a huge fight and smashed a glass bottle on someone's head. An old guy, named Stephen or something, helped me with calming everyone down and gave me some cash. I didn't even thanked him. In retrospect, I should._

___Day twenty, about 2300. I was broke, and still unemployed. May and Marie were lying asleep in their bunk bed, unaware of the situation. I was sitting in the bathroom, thinking about what to do. Then, I reminded myself about the pervert from a decade earlier. I needed cash. Fast._

___I stood up and looked at myself in the mirror. I didn't look seventeen y.o., more like twenty-three. The hormones were sorta gracious for me and I grew up from "wouldn't touch with a long pole" to "generic unkempt redhead with freckles". Not stunning, but not hideous either. No one sober was hitting on me though, probably 'cause most people were overwhelmed by my personality. Would potential customers find me attractive? I doubted it, but maybe some would be drunk enough._

___I silently rummaged through our chest of drawers and "borrowed" a few items from clotheslines around my trailer. Leather jacket, pink tight T-shirt with "Fuck me" written on it, fishnet stockings, way-too-short miniskirt and black boots. I also used a crapton of make-up. The final effect made me sick in the stomach. If it wasn't for my sisters, I'd rather hang myself._

___When I walked to the door, I heard someone tossing and turning on the bed._

"...Lee?" ___May asked, half-asleep. ____The trailer was almost pitch black, I hoped she didn't notice my outfit._

"What?"

"...where are you going?"

"For a walk." ___I lied._

"Oh. Watch out please. I dunno what I'd do if someone harmed you." ___she said, then turned around._

___I left the trailer and sneaked out of the park. If I really had to fall that low, I'd prefer none of my neighbours knew about this._

___I wandered aimlessly for about twenty minutes. There were no people on the streets, sometimes a car passed me, but no one gave a damn about a provocatively-dressed girl on the pavement. I marched with no set destination, thinking how hard did I fuck up to end up as the prostitute no one cared about._

___Deep in thought, I didn't noticed a guy walking down the street. We collided and both fell down._

"Watch where you're going, bastard!"_ I shouted._

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to..."

___The voice was oddly familiar. I raised my head to notice a tall guy, wearing snot-green jacket, red-and-white striped shirt and dark jeans. He had short red hair and a thick unibrow. _

___Damn._

___The fact that I was willing to fuck a guy for money was humiliating enough, I didn't want to stumble upon someone that I knew. At best, a disgrace, at worst – a very awkward loss of virginity. More to the point, this is the guy whose life I was wrecking for the past three years. For a brief second I hoped that Ed won't recognize me, as I had lots make-up, and wore different clothes than usual. I'd just walk away as if we never met._

"Lee?"

___Double damn._

"What are you doing here?" ___he asked._

"Just went for a walk."___ Ed wasn't the brightest bulb, so maybe I could try to act stupid._

___He tilted his head slightly._

"Then why are you dressed like a cheap hooker?"

___Triple damn._

"Take a fucking guess." ___I stood up and tried to just walk away as if nothing happened. _

___He grabbed my wrist. I tried to break away, but the guy was stronger than me._

"Come with me, please." ___he said._

**This chapter was rewritten for three reasons. One, it was too short. Two, I made some research regarding healthcare in US. I really don't want to write the system as completely oblivious and uncaring, it's not _Lifetime_, for fuck's sake. Three, retconning a few bits. Yeah, I'm a terrible writer when it comes to continuity.**


	2. Ednage-a-trois

_I was scared shitless. Before you go "what a coward" on me or "Lee's so OOC" on the author, keep in mind: I'm being dragged... somewhere by a 6'3" (or 190 cm, if you prefer) guy who could KO me before I could think about fighting back (and you know I'm not a weakling). No one's going to risk their life and limb to save a whore. Following him without resistance seemed to be the most healthy option._

"Where are we going?" _I asked._

"To Double D's house" _he answered._

_As you probably remember, we weren't on good terms with the Eds... oh, to hell with euphemisms: Eddy despised us with every fiber of his being. Edd and Ed did so as well, though they were more polite about it. In fact, I could almost swear they were more annoyed and scared than spiteful. But after we've done everything that cannot be qualified as rape – I have some standards, you know – even St. Peter would've gotten pissed on us._

_This changed a few months ago, after Eddy got himself a Desert Eagle (stole, bought, I don't care). We learned that the hard way, when we paid him a visit. He pulled out a pistol and said we should leave, I, being the oldest and the wisest, told him that he doesn't have the guts to pull the trigger. Seven misfired bullets later we were running away fast enough to put that Jamaican guy to shame. Since then, we avoided the Eds and people in general. Not that someone was looking for us. After the school ended, we were rarely leaving the trailer park, so as to avoid bumping into... well, anyone._

_Usually at this point the hero realizes the error of his ways and promises the last person who hadn't left them yet that he'll change for the better. Well, this isn't one of those stories. I hadn't had much choice in my life, it mostly boiled down to the Darwinian struggle – I was either dealing the pain or taking it._

_Thinking about all this stuff, I hadn't noticed that we were now at Rathink Avenue, in front of Edd's place. Everybody else was in their houses and didn't care about things happening on the street, for better or for worse. I wished as few people would see me as possible – it was degrading, to say the least._

"We're here." _the big guy announced._ "Hope Double D's not asleep."

_He pulled out a key chain and opened the door. Then, after finally releasing my wrist, he made a gesture for me to enter. I just stood there, staring blankly, not sure whether to get in or get out of here._

"Is something wrong?" _Ed asked._

"I'm about to fuck a guy for money." _I spat._ "Everything's peachy keen."

"Who said we are going to have sex?" _he replied._

_My jaw dropped to the ground._

"What did you just say?" _All thoughts in my head were swiftly replaced by a big brightly coloured "what the hell" neon sign._

"Um, who said we are going to have sex?" _the guy was no less confused._

"Then why the hell did you drag me here?!"

"Dunno." _H__e answered with his trademark blunt honesty._ "Didn't want some perverts to... use you or something. I have no idea what to do now, so I'm going to ask Double D."

_Before I was able to weasel my way out of this, Ed pushed me into the house, entered as well and locked the door behind him. Then he guided me to the living room, nodded at me to stay there and left._

_I had a bad feeling about this. I always suspected Sockhead keeps a few dark secrets, starting with the aforementioned hat, and was quite positive he will enjoy my suffering – in more ways than one, given the situation. Looking around the room – which was bigger than my whole trailer – I've noticed a laptop charging on the table and a mobile phone plugged to it. For a moment I considered grabbing it and running to the nearest pawn shop. A few seconds later I've dismissed the idea – this'd have lead to more trouble in the long run. So I sat down and waited._

_Five minutes later the big guy walked into the room, followed by the host. The thin guy wore a black pants, black unzipped hoodie with a red shirt underneath it and his memetic black hat with long, blond hair sticking out behind it. Ed carried a plate of sandwiches, while Edd held a bottle of Coke and three glasses. They sat on the table, put the electronics aside and placed the food on the table. The slim guy opened the bottle and poured me the drink._

"What's this?" _I literally had no idea what was going on._

"A supper." _Double D answered, with a subtle smile on his face._

"Wait a sec, so you don't wanna..."

"No, Ms Kanker," _Ed interrupted, grabbing a sandwich,_ "we expect you to dine. I've always wanted to say that." – _he added, after Edd and I looked at him._

"A meal eaten in a group is more enjoyable." _the slim guy said. To my surprise, there was no sleaziness in his voice. As if he really enjoyed my companionship._

_It had to be a trap._

"You always call for a whore to eat supper?" _I spat._

"That's something I wanted to talk about." _The joy in his voice was replaced by a hint of... I dunno, worry?_ "I want to know why have you decided to..."

_Looking for polite words, eh? _

"… prostitute yourself. I mean, for the few glimpses of your personality I've caught, you seemed... too... proud to do such thing."

"What, can't a girl enjoy a little woo-hoo on the side?" _I wanted to end this discussion as quickly as possible. I really didn't want to tell the guy the story of my life._

"Judging by what Ed witnessed, you weren't too happy about this." _he pushed._

"You writing a book or something?" _I didn't like this situation. It was out of my control._ "I'm not here for an intervention. Stop wasting my time."

"God damn it, Lee." _he replied harshly. __I could literally see that he was tired of my crap and wanted to kick me out. _"You were about to have sex with me and Ed, provided we paid enough. Stating your reasons for doing so won't make this a bigger bloody disgrace!"

_I was left speechless. By the standards of Edd, the guy who would apologize for bleeding on your knife if you stabbed him, this was the equivalent of a cluster F-bomb. He seemed to acknowledge this as well, judging by his 'what have I done' facial expression._

"I... I'm sorry, Lee. I... didn't really mean this..."

_Yes, you did. More to the point, you were one hundred percent right. I had no friends, allies or even people tolerating my existence, and was desperate enough to do... very stupid things, to say the least. Now what am I supposed to do? Sit down and cry?  
_

_No._

_ Fucking. _

_Way._

"Relax, Two-D. That wasn't even an insult." _To be honest, I've really heard much worse put-downs. It's that I've never cared, because the people saying this were even worse twats than me._

_Edd looked up, our gazes met._

"I promise that nothing you say will leave this room." _he said, switching back to the caring tone._

"Here, have a sandwich." _Ed pushed a plate towards me. I grabbed one and took a bite._

"What's this weird thing, sorta tasting like cheese?" _I asked._

"It's butter." _the big guy answered._

_As you probably have guessed, I've never ate bread with butter in my life, always sticking to the cheap margarine. There probably is a deeper meaning to this, but I'll leave it to your interpretation._

"Okay, to answer your question: my mother, God bless upon her soul, died of cancer, which means I'm the only breadwinner. Now I'm kinda desperate for cash."

_At that point I wasn't sure whether to trust them or not. Not that I could lose something. __Thought that since I'm at the bottom, this is an occasion to rebound and go back up._

"You seem so... calm, talking about all this stuff." _Ed remarked._

"I don't have time to sit down and cry. It will only make me dehydrated." _I answered._

"Please pardon my rudeness..."

_I interrupted him. "_An honest advice, Double D: stop being so apologetical _(is that even a word?)_ about everything."

"S-sorry. H-have you considered... you know, more... conventional ways of earning money?" _Edd still did his best to not insult me by accident. Not going to lie, I was impressed._

"Of course I did. The thing is, no one wants to hire me. Besides, I need cash now, not in a month."

_After this sentence the thin guy pulled a wallet out of his pocket. _

"I don't really know how much... an hour... you know, costs... but I guess it's a fair wage." _H__e put a $100 bill on the table._

"Well, it was technically a three-way." _The big guy gave me twenty dollars from his pocket. $120. A few days of food or one, two paid bills._

"Thanks, you know. I'll be leaving now." _I stood up and grabbed the money._

"Wait." _Edd said firmly._ "We all know this is nothing, given that you need to feed three people. Please, sit down."

_I did as he ordered, curious how this will end._

"What are you going to do tomorrow?" _the thin guy asked. Judging by his expression, what would happen next depended on my answer._

"Don't know, to be honest. Probably continue looking for a job. Not that I am ungrateful or something, but as you said, I need to feed my sisters and this money is shit."

"Not in those words, but yes..."_ Edd muttered. He grabbed his laptop and began tapping on the keyboard. What the hell was he up to?_

"Ed, look here." _The big guy peeped at the screen._ "What do you think about this?"

_He raised his unibrow, then smiled._

"That's a great idea, Double D!"

"What?" _I really don't like when people plot behind my back. Yet again, I was slightly scared. My hand subconsciously dived to the skirt pocket for a balisong I was always carrying on myself. Small, easy to conceal, and makes that satisfying clicks when opened._

"Okay." _The host turned to me_. "Lee, I have an offer for you."

"I'm all ears." _And my hand was still on the knife._

"We, that is you, Ed and I, will catch the bus and go to the all-night supermarket to buy you some food. I don't have enough money in cash, but I have some on my bank account. I'll pay for everything."

"Aaaand what do you want in return?" _I asked. Either I was about to be screwed (figuratively or literally) or Christmas came six months earlier._

"Just one thing." _Edd looked me square in the eye._ "Please, never ever try anything like... this... again."_  
_

_…that's it? I might as well start singing "Jingle Bells"._

"Only because you said 'please'." _I thought a joke will break the tension. Judging by the subtle smiles on their faces, this was one of my wisest moves that evening._

"Go upstairs and pick something less, um, disrespectful from my parents' closet, I'm sure they won't mind. The bus to city leaves in twenty-five minutes."


	3. Twenty-one Ed Salute

_After Edd had suggested going to the supermarket and getting some food, I've expected a lot things. What I didn't expect that we will just go to the supermarket and get some food._

_I was standing in front of the 24h shop, wearing leather jacket (the same I had before; it wasn't that bad per se), jeans and a white T-shirt, both taken from Double D's parents' closet. Turns out I wear the same size as Edd's dad. This wasn't that surprising, I always was a tall girl._

_What was blowing my mind is that near me stood nine, count 'em, NINE loaded bags. Seven contained food, mostly stuff that wouldn't go bad for a long time: pasta, sugar, rice, frozen food, canned meat, the like. And butter, just for the sake of making me happier. The other two bags were full of detergents – clearly a result of Double D's obsession with cleanliness. I tried to tell him that's he's buying too much, but he always responded with a variation of "Who's paying? Me? Then I can buy whatever I like.". The guy himself was now searching for a cab, while Ed stood next to me, guarding the bags and reading the receipt, which resembled a roll of toilet paper._

"Ed, can I look at this?" _I was curious how much cash did they spend on me._

"Double D said the money isn't important." _he answered._

_I snatched the receipt out of his hands. _"Let's look..."

_Before I managed to do so, the big guy grabbed the piece of paper, stuffed it in his mouth and swallowed it._

"Too salty, but overall an enjoyable experience." _he said, satisfied with himself. __Then he pulled a can of coke out of his... hammerspace and started drinking, like whatever the hell just happened was the most normal thing in existence. _

_A taxicab pulled up in front of us. The window rolled down to reveal Edd sitting behind the driver._

"Load the bags into the trunk and get in." _he ordered. We did as so – the items barely fitted in there! – and got in. The big guy sat in the back seat next to Double D, so I took the front._

"Where to?" _said the driver. It was the type who would cheerfully talk to you about all things possible while silently upping the counter and making you pay twice the fare. Those small annoying things in life..._

"Park 'n' Flush trailer park." _I said, seeing that the Eds were busy talking to__ each other about something, I don't care what. The car rolled slowly._

"Quite a lot of stuff you've got there." _The driver tried to strike up aconversation. _"Armageddon or a family reunion?"

"Neither." _Edd chimed._ "We are just helping a friend in need."

_I knew he was lying, but this sentence somehow made me feel better. Maybe because he bothered to tell that lie. Maybe because at this point Double D and Ed were the closest thing I've ever had to a friend. Maybe I believed in this for a brief second, I don't know._

"Do your parents know about this?" _The guy asked._

_The car went silent. You'd hear a dropped paper-clip. Guys on the back seats stopped chatting and looked at each other._

"Why, y-yes, of course our parents are fully aware of our whereabouts."

_Edd was a bad liar. I decided to step in._

"Watch the road." _I said dryly._

"Relax, what are you doing at night is none of my busi... Kurwa!" _Somebody got in the driver's way, so the topic of Eds' parents was swiftly dropped._

* * *

_Ten minutes later we arrived at the trailer park outskirts. After unpacking the groceries and paying the driver, we grabbed three bags each (Double D had a few problems with this) and slowly walked towards my trailer. The thing is, I just couldn't forget the guys' reaction when asked about their parents._

"So, 1-D and 2-D, why were you so upset when the cab guy asked about your parents?" _Yeah, I'm repeating myself. I'm not a good storyteller._

_Yet again, silence. After a few awkward seconds Edd spoke, stuttering: _"We'd... prefer... not to talk about this." _I wanted to chuckle at the irony. _

"Aw come on, I'm the last person who'd laugh at pathology in your families."

_Judging by the fact that the big guy dropped his groceries, this joke wasn't as good as the last one. Edd sighed._

"Well..." _he began._

"They don't care." _the big guy spat. _"They have their beloved daughter and the older son is just an extra mouth to feed. He can take care of himself, you don't have to talk to him... no, bad Ed, calm down, calm down..."

_They like his sister better. It happens._ "And yours, Double D?"

_Edd frowned._

"It's simple." _he said bitterly._ "They seem to believe that caring for their son can be replaced by sending fuckload of money every month. End of story. Satisfied?"

_I looked away, trying to hide how much Edd's reaction surprised me. For the whole evening (minus the ten seconds of the dinner) the guy remained cool and now, when the topic of parents came up, he's suddenly a different person. I should have kept my mouth shut._

"What?" _Ed asked._

"Double D dropped an F-bomb." _I replied._ "I'm waiting for a second coming."

"Whatever." _Edd picked up the stool and hid it,_ _Ed grabbed his bags_ "Let's go."

"Lee?" s_omeone said in the distance, approaching us._

_We gazed at the mysterious person. She had long unkempt blond hair, and was wearing red shorts and grey one-size-too-small shirt._

"May? What the hell are you doing here."

"The question is: what the hell are they doing here?" _somebody else said from behind us. You have probably guessed it's Marie, so for the record: short blue hair, black tank top, military pants._

"Good evening, ladies." _Edd greeted them nervously. Now he was the outnumbered one._

"Lee, weren't you wearing different clothes when you left?" _May remarked, obliviously._ "A miniskirt, that shirt with 'Fuck me' written on it... and are those bags of food behind you?"

_Judging by her face, Marie jumped to the wrong conclusion. She pulled out a revolver out of her trousers' pocket and aimed at Double D._

"You son of a bitch!"

_**BANG.**_

_I must have blinked. Next thing I remember is Ed and Marie rolling on the ground, the former trying to hold back the latter, Edd looking at them terrified and May carefully picking up the gun._

"I'm going to kill you both, motherfuckers!..." _I've never seen Marie that angry. _

_I took the gun from my sister's hand and fired in the air to calm the brawlers down. No one in the trailer park gave a damn. Heavy sleepers. It worked – everyone looked at me._

"Everyone, cool the fuck down."_I ordered._ Ed and Marie stood up, breathing heavily, fists raised just in case. _The tall guy backed towards his friend._

"Are you ok, Double D? 'Cause I'm fine."

"I'm a-a-also unwounded, i-if that's what you ask." _Double D reassured._

_I turned to my sisters. __Ed told Double D something, but I didn't hear what he said._

"Y'know, there is a subtle difference between threatening to shoot someone and shooting someone." _I berated Marie._

"Those sons of bitches took advantage of you!" _she shouted._

"We did not!" _Double D protested._

"Shut up, or I'll save the bullets and just bash your head with a pistol grip, you fucking..."

_I slapped Marie in the face._

"We. Did. Not. Have. Sex." _I spelled out._ "But now I have to convince them to not call the police and report a murder attempt, so nothing is given."

"Erm, we-we're positive that we can let this m-misunderstanding slide." _Edd said, hidden behind the red guy._

_Misunderstanding? You were almost shot, killed, for fuck's sake! I swear, this guy should be an ambassador or something._

"Wait, what?" _Marie asked with disbelief._

"Erm, no one was harmed and there were no witnesses, so I g-guess we can just forget about this and carry on, i-if nothing like this will happen again."

_My blue-haired sister gave him the blank stare._

"You almost killed me, but it's nothing. After all, one more hole in my skull isn't that much of a problem." _She mocked him._

"How about we continue this conversation in the trailer? Calm down a little bit, explain some things..." _May suggested shyly._

"Good idea." _I hid the revolver in my pocket and grabbed four bags. _"Now, try to carry those bags without killing each other, okay?" _I said, eyeing Marie._

* * *

_A minute later we were sitting in the kitchen, around the table, Ed and Edd on one side, my sisters on the other. The tall boy kept his hand on his friend's shoulder. I've put an opened can of beans with sausage in a microwave and joined them, sitting between Ed and May. The girls looked at me, waiting to explain the whole situation._

"Okay, here's the short version: Yes, I did want to fuck somebody for money."

_If looks could kill, Marie would have scored two frags, gazing furiously at the Eds._

"But," _I went on,_ "the guys here decided that I'm too ugly and they'll just get me food instead."

"You aren't!" _Ed protested._ "I mean... I wouldn't have sex with you, but you aren't ugly!" _I felt some odd warm feeling at the bottom of my cold, obsidian heart._

"So, you want to tell me that Double D and Ed bought you a ton of food for nothing?" _Marie asked with disbelief._

"Well..." _I didn't want to look a gift horse in the mouth, but yes, this situation was suspicious._

"Yes. Yes, we did." _Edd joined the conversation, more confident than a few minutes before._

"And what do you expect, a 'thank you' blowjob or something?" _Marie spat._

"No, " _he replied harshly,_ "but some gratitude would be quite nice."

"Both of you, cut it out!" _the big guy raised his voice slightly, taking everyone by surprise. __Yet again that night, silence. After a few awkward seconds, the microwave dinged._

"Who's hungry?" _I asked, desperate to break the tension. __May slightly raised his hand._

"I'd eat something, but I'm afraid I'll choke on the meal Edd bought." _Marie replied._

_Before Double D had a chance to react, Ed stood up._

"Can we all just sit down and talk like people, without spitting venom at each other?" _he said sternly to no one in particular. _

_Marie's confidence disappeared in seconds, as she looked at the giant, gazing at her. May hid behind her._

"...yes." _she answered, quietly._

"Good." _the big guy instantly relaxed and sat down. _"And sorry for scaring you two, I just wanna keep this cirilized."

"Civilized." _I stood up to put the meal into plates for the girls. Edd silently counted to ten and took a deep breath.._

"You are probably wondering why I'm here," _he started,_ "or why I'm still here despite the misunderstanding that happened a few minutes ago. For starters, I have to admit, I don't expect you to trust me, and I'm not without a doubt myself. I'm idealistic, not naïve."

_Having said that, he pulled out a home-made stun baton and showed it to us._

"I'm armed as well. I won't hesitate to use it if I feel threatened. Nevertheless," _he hid the weapon,_ "I gen want to help you in this hard times. I am able to pay for your living until any of you will find a job. This includes your food, your bills and any unpredictable expenses. Is that okay with you?"

"You pay, you demand." _I replied._

"No, Lee. It's not a deal with the devil. If something is wrong, just tell me."

_I wasn't going to say it, but at that point everything was wrong._

_I was knee-deep in shit, at the mercy of my former victims. I believed that I'm a failure, unable to do anything right. If it wasn't for May and Marie, I'd just shoot myself in the head to end my miserable existence._

"Why?" _May said, barely audible._ "Why are you helping us?"

_Ed and Edd exchanged a few whispers, discussing how to answer this question._

"I'll tell this in a story, okay?" _Ed said._

_When we all nodded, he started._

**A/N: If you wonder what "kurwa" means, it's a Polish swear word. English is only my second language. *brag***

**Two parts were retconned. One, Ed telling about his parents. At first I wanted them to be outright abusive, but it felt a tad too cruel and out-of-place. And two, Eds actually react to almost being killed by Marie. The reasons they didn't freak out will be explained later on.**


	4. My Great-eds Failure

"Once upon a time there was a group of con men."_ the big guy started._

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," _I interrupted._ "Please don't tell me you wanna pull this 'and those men were us' cliché."

_Edd glanced at me._ "It's quite obvious that Ed is referring to me, himself and Eddy, but dropping our names from the story is used here to get our point across."

"Oh. Go on" _I nodded._

"At some point... they did a thing." _the guy continued._ "A horrible, horrible thing"

"Any details?" _Marie asked._

"Let's not speak about what they did, for what is important is the aftermath."_ The skinny guy picked up the story._ "The con men were forced to escape so as to avoid being mob-lynched by their angry would-be targets."

"They had to run to not get beaten to death." _Ed provided a not-so-unnecessary translation._

"Their leader suggested hiding at his brother's place." _No points for guessing which situation are they telling about. If you aren't a diehard fan, they refer to the Big Picture Show._

_...what? The original show had no fourth wall either, why should I bother?_

"After a long journey, full of... misunderstandings that I'd rather not talk about, they finally reached the destination. So did their pursuers, captured and presented by... a trio of... um... very dedicated stalkers."

_The closest thing to a compliment I've ever heard in my life. It's sad, really._

"But it was too late, for the con men asked the brother to protect them, to which he agreed."

_Then, an awkward pause. We all knew what had happened next._

"To start beating them for his own amusement the moment after."

"The idiot of the group beat him by flinging the door at him." _Ed added._

_The thin guy twiddled his thumbs._

"The pursuers had freed themselves from their bonds and there were nothing between them and the con men. And, in a desperate effort to avoid getting their well-deserved punishment, the leader shouted 'Okay, I'm sorry! Honest!'. Hardly a proper apology, isn't it?"

_After a few seconds of silence we realized this wasn't a rhetorical question._

"Well, not the best one." _May still didn't bother to say something loud._ "But, y'know, the circumstances..."

"I'm the storyteller here." _Edd interrupted her._ "After this pathetic effort," _his voice raised a bit,_ "the pursuers instantly forgave them and they returned home, without facing consequences of their misdeeds."

_And the three stalkers stayed behind to torment the unconscious bastard. Maybe I'm a hypocrite, but if your brother, thirteen-fucking-years-old, asks you, a twenty-something guy, for help and you beat him up for kicks instead, you are a worthless cunt and deserve to die. Slowly and painfully._

_No, we hadn't killed him. We just had chained his hands to the radiator and put the key in his pants. Seen this in a film once. Briefly considered kissing him just like we were kissing Eds, but the bastard would have probably enjoyed tha- fuck, I've drifted off topic again. _

"Now," _the skinny guy turned to us, _"answer me a question. Did the con men deserve to get away scot-free?"

"I think you did." _I replied, truthfully. I don't know why, but then I thought they really deserved a break._

"Okay, but if it wasn't about us? If they were three completely random people?"

"Yes." _May said._ "As long as the apology was honest and no one was permanently hurt, yes, they deserved it." _Guess which one of my sisters is the idealistic one._

_Edd sat silently for a few seconds, surprised by my sister's counter. Having ran out of arguments, he replied:_

"Well, we think differently."

"We are bad, bad people." _the big guy added._

_Ladies and gentlemen, here sit the Kanker sisters: trailer park bullies tormenting other people for kicks and molesting three genuinely nice guys who did nothing to deserve it. Opposite them sit Ed and Edd, the bad guys. I couldn't help but chuckle._

"Aw c'mon guys," _I said,_ "how dangerous can a lemonade stand or whatever you did be?"

_Ed just looked me in the eyes, as if to say 'you know nothing, foolish girl'._

"Three inches"_ he non-sequitured. I'm pretty sure this isn't a word, but screw it._

"...we feel sorry for you? What was that about?" _Marie asked._

_The big guy spread out his thumb and index finger to show exactly how much is three inches. Or seven and a half centimetres. Why can't we all use the same units to measure stuff?_

"The lead pipe which ended up breaking the wooden fence missed Kevin's head by three inches." _Double D explained._ "We were three inches away from a negligent homicide. And it wasn't the only potentially lethal projectile that ended up being flung during our latest scam."

"We feel guilty." _It appeared_ _Ed and I had one thing in common – we liked things short and simple. This and red hair._

"So, this is it. The primary reason of our support towards your cause. An attempt to whitewash our past misdeeds."

"I think it's simpler." _May spoke up._

_The Eds turned to her. _

"Really?" _Edd said, interested._ "Then I'd like to hear your opinion about it."

_May smiled faintly._

"You are just the type of guys that cannot just indifferently pass a human being in need." _She started._ "It's not about your past scams, or guilt, or anything else besides your moral code. You are simply the good guys here. Or at least better than us." _She smirked._

"Judging by what Lee was ready to do to pay for your food and stuff, you aren't as evil as you think you are." _Ed countered._

"I have a brilliant idea." _Marie interrupted, annoyed. _"Let's stop analysing who in this room is a bigger cunt and talk facts."

_Yep, pretty good idea._

"So, 2-D, how long are you willing to pay for three trailer trash twats?" _I asked, adding alliterative appeal._

"I'm not going to pay for... the thing you said." _He replied._ "It's not about making you dependant on me or humiliating you. I just want to help." _He outstretched his hand._ "As long as you are fine with it, of course."

_My doubts returned. I am a cynical bastard, in more ways than one, and this situation was too good to be true. On the other hand, did we really have something to lose? This, or back on the street for me. I looked at Ed and Edd. Either they were genuinely trying to help, or were brilliant actors. I still remembered that one time when they copied our shtick, so either option could be correct._

_Oh, fuck it, this can't get any worse, I thought. For now, I might as well play along._

_I shook the thin guy's hand._

"Deal. You'll help us, and we'll behave." _I said. _

_Edd turned to Marie and outstretched his hand again._

"I hope we can put our differences aside."

_Marie frowned._

"So you own me now, huh?"

"You know what?" _I chipped in. I didn't want my sister to scare away the only opportunity to get back on my feet._ "It's not the right time to discuss the details. You guys go home, I'll drop by tomorrow, okay?"

"Okay" _Edd was visibly relieved._ "Do you have a phone?"

"Yeah, if they didn't cut it..." _I picked up the receiver, and heard the signal._ "...they didn't."

"Splendid." _The guy pulled out a note block and a pen out of his pocket._

"How much stuff do you keep in your pockets?"

"Not that much." _he replied._ "Multitool, ruler, small folding stool, cell phone, mechanical pencil, two pens, that stun baton..."

_I regretted my curiosity_ "Okay, okay."

_He ripped a sheet of paper from the block and gave it to me. It had his phone number written on it, labelled 'Eddward Kowalski'. I put it on the fridge._

"You didn't have to write your full name. How much Edds with two D's do you think I know?"

"My apologies, it's a force of habit. If anything unpredictable happens, don't be ashamed to call us. We can keep it discreet. Now, if you allow, we'll be leaving..."

"Guys?" _May joined the conversation._

"What?"

"It's kinda weird... but... you know... you are helping us... and... I just wanted... to ask..."

_Ed looked at her._ "What, May?" _he asked._ " What bothers you?"

"CanIhugyouguysplease?"

_They looked at her dumbfounded for a second._ "O... kay." _Edd finally answered._ "I don't see any..."

_Before he even had a chance to end the sentence, my sister embraced them both. I decided to not interrupt her – she needs to believe someone besides me and Marie cares for her. But if those fuckers will harm her, police dogs won't find their bodies._

_The whole situation lasted for about a minute. After May finally released them, looking as if she just charged from their vital energy or whatnot, the guys said their awkward goodbyes and left. I looked through the window to see the two walking away fast, talking lively about something._

"So, whatcha think?" _I asked my sisters._

"It's a trap." _Marie said._ "No one sane walks to their bullies' house all like 'Wazzup, need a hand?'. I suggest following them and finding out what they really want."

"I think we should trust them." _May countered. After the guys left, her voice returned to the relatively hearable volume._

"And I think you should stop thinking with your uterus."

"Says the one with a yaoi stash under our bed!"

"All right!" _This wasn't really time to discuss what Marie does when she thinks we're asleep. I turned to my blonde sister. _"May, why do you think should we trust them?"

"I don't know."

_Figures._

"I mean, if they wanted to do some mean stuff to us, they'd have done it earlier, right?"

_Now, this got me intrigued._

"They had you cornered, er, they knew you were desperate enough to, um, do some stupid things." _she said, stammering a bit. _"And they passed the opportunity. It's like I'm a hitman, my target has his kneecaps broken, and I, um, call the police and give him my pistol."

"This could be a part of a bigger plan." _Marie said nonchalantly._ "Eddy is pulling the strings from behind the..."

"What strings? What bigger plan?!" _May erupted._ "We are talking about a guy constructing planes out of junk, a sentry gun or something wouldn't be a problem! Another one who could overpower all three of us without breaking a sweat! And they hadn't done a doggone thing for almost three years of sexual harassment! They could make a pipe bomb, write a restraining order, or just go Leeroy Jenkins and beat the stuff outta us! And be praised for that, 'cause everybody we know hates our fucking guts!"

_May was now breathing heavily. She was pissed. At me? At Marie? At herself? At life? It was really hard to tell._

"It's stupid," _she ended, after calming down a bit,_ "but I want to believe I hadn't wasted three years of my life. Good night." _Without adding anything she turned and left the kitchen._

_The discussion was pretty much over. _"Go to sleep, Marie. No fights." _I ordered._

_She went to the living room and I stayed alone in the kitchen to pick up the dirty dishes. As I put them in the sink, I tried to coldly analyse the situation. Both Marie and May had made valid points, it now depended on which of them were more valid. The validest. _

_While washing the dishes, I came up with two things. First, 'treat Eds with respect'. Even if I won't go to Double D's house tomorrow, they still did more to me that evening than my own father did for my whole life. They earned it. Second, 'I'm tired'. I just wanted to lie on the couch and fell asleep. I'll think about all this stuff the next day._

_Maybe it will suck a tiny bit less._

**END OF PROLOGUE.**

**A/N Just in case, Marie's porn stash is not a jab at yaoi fangirls and Edd's surname is something beyond my nationalistic wank (it's also a reference to a certain Nick show). **

**I "love" how people write May as the poor, misunderstood one, abused by her sisters. She can be as mean as them, but she broke down twice in the show and everyone goes "awwwww". May-be (hee hee) she's softer than Marie or Lee, but not too soft, and won't be pushed around by them.**

**Rant over.**


	5. Ed-fast of Champions

**A/N Well, while this will be a Kanker-focused story, I feel I have to say something about the other characters as well, starting with the Eds. That means this chapter will contain less snarky one-liners and more**** s****esquipedalian loquaciousness. H****i to all the tropers, by the way.**

**Enjoy.**

**PART 1**

**Meet the Team.**

**Edd's POV.**

_I was unable to fall asleep. I was haunted by nightmares of varying level of gore, all about my last scam from two years earlier. My subconscious is quite creative when it comes to worst case scenarios._

_My alarm clock stood on a chest of drawers next to the bed. I turned my head to check the time. 7:37 AM. I might as well 'wake up', go downstairs and drink a cup of coffee to keep myself awake through the day. I still remembered what had happened when I allowed myself to sleep during daytime. Suffice to say I had quickly learned how to swim._

_I sat up and inspected my room. I am trying to be as descriptive as possible, but there is not many things to describe. There is my desk, currently devoid of any school supplies, as there is the beginning of July, a chair next to it, a window, a chest of drawers with my clothes inside and my ant farm on top of it, my bed, on which am I sitting right now, my cactus, a bookshelf above my bed and a Solar System model hanging from the ceiling. Everything was in order and labelled, as a result of my rampant obsessive-compulsive disorder. The walls were painted lime._

_I grabbed a clean set of clothes and went to the bathroom. I locked the door behind myself, out of habit, took off my hat and inspected my head. __I have been wearing it out of custom rather than anything else,_ the scar which made me don it in the first place was forgotten and hidden under my hair. Several months earlier, at the ripe age of fourteen, they had began to turn grey, and I had decided to dye them a very light shade of blonde. 

_I took a shower, left my pyjamas in the dirty laundry basket and went to the kitchen. On my way I've noticed a person sleeping on my couch. After carefully approaching the mystery guest, I've noticed an olive drab jacket hanging on the back of the couch and a familiar head sticking from underneath the blanket. I sighed with relief: it was just Ed. He is my companion and friend, whatever belongs to me belongs to him as well. Not to mention this means less time spent alone in an empty house. (The same thing applies to Eddy, obviously.)_

_As I headed to the kitchen to prepare breakfast for me and my guest, the doorbell rang. I rushed to the door and opened it. In front of me stood a 5'5" (165 cm) thirteen-year-old girl, with red hair reaching to her back, wearing an orchid tank top, light blue trousers and white sandals, revealing a well-done pedicure, probably done by her friend._

"Hello Sarah." _I greeted the girl._

"Hi Double D!" _she replied cheerfully._ "Is my brother here?"

"Yes. He is asleep at the moment, but I'm planning to wake him up and eat breakfast. Would you like to join us?"

_She blushed a little._ "Um, you know, I don't want to interrupt you two."

"Nonsense. How could I remove my best friend's sister out of my house while letting him stay in?"

"All right, all right." _She reluctantly entered the house and we both headed to the kitchen. Sarah sat at the table, while I began preparing a meal for three people._

"Coffee, tea, coke, orange juice, gravy...?" _I asked the girl about her choice of drink. Yes, Ed does drink gravy for breakfast._

"Tea."

"White, yellow, green, black..." _While I am not the type of person who likes to spend money on unneeded things, having that much variety allows me to escape routine, at least a little bit._

"Um, black, I guess."

"Sugar or sweetener?"

"Sugar."

"How many lumps?"

"One more question and I'm going to punch you in the face."_ She replied._ "Two lumps."

"My apologies. I am just trying to ensure that you will enjoy your meal."

"The world won't fall apart if my tea will be too sour, Double D."

"You're right, I guess..."

_I have turned on the electric kettle and put the bacon on the frying pan. This is the best way to wake up somebody without being loud or violent. It works all the time. After a few minutes my friend showed in the kitchen door, in his red-and-white striped T-shirt and midnight blue jeans. His hair was a bit messy._

"Hiya Double D!" _he greeted me._ "Hi ba- I mean, hi Sarah."_ he noticed the third guest._

"Hi lummox." _she replied affectionately. In an odd twist of fate Ed and his sister were getting along quite well. After the whole situation with Eddy's brother my friend tried to improve his behaviour to earn his family's respect, and it seemed to work so far. Sadly, only partially._

_I handed Ed a stick of chewing gum to temporarily neutralize his morning breath, gestured him to sat down, and returned to the stove._

"Um, guys... can I ask you something?" _Judging by her voice, she felt uneasy about something._

"Ask away."

"Er, are you guys... you know..., um..."

_I sighed and facepalmed. Yes, of course, I'm in a polyamorous relationship with Ed and Eddy. The previous sentence was sarcasm, stop pleasuring yourself under the desk._

"Dating?" _my __friend__ replied, then let out a chuckle._ "No, baby sis-, I mean, Sarah. We are just best friends in the world! Like peanut, butter and jelly! Like Matt, Tom and that other Edd! Like The Three Stooges!"

"Oh..." _She blushed._ "Sorry, for asking. Y'know, people talk... stuff... and you don't have girlfriends yet..."

_Yes, people talk stuff. In January a new student, Nathan Goldberg, had moved to Peach Creek. He had not even bothered to hide his sexual orientation (he's pansexual - which, in his words, means he "is attracted to everyone", I didn't ask for details and immediately told him I'm happy with being single) and, to put it mildly, no one had wanted to talk to him. Being disgusted by that behaviour, I had decided to try and show people that he really isn't that different from other students. Kevin (who dated Nazz, so he had to be heterosexual) and I started chatting with him at breaks, showed him around town, told him who to avoid and who can be trusted. I even wore a rainbow pin for a few days to show my support for him. Sadly, this, combined with my rather close relationship with my friends led to belief that I am a closeted homosexual. _

_As for not having girlfriends, I really was not interested in looking for a partner. True, I sometimes allowed myself to stare at girls (read: Nazz) too long to comfortably admit, but when it came to long, serious relationships, I never had the drive. I had my two friends and was happy with this._

_But back on topic, Sarah lowered her head in shame._

"Now, now," _I reassured,_ "you were just curious. There is nothing wrong with asking." _The electric kettle turned off with a loud click, so I poured boiling water to three mugs with coffee, tea and instant gravy. _"It's better than spreading misinformation around."_ I put the fried eggs with bacon on three plates and put them and the drinks on the table. Then I sat down with my guests._

"Enjoy your meal."

"What about me, Sockhead?"

_We all turned to see a person, about 5'5", standing in the kitchen door, leaning against the wall with a smug smile. He had short black hair and was wearing yellow polo shirt with purple collar, cyan jeans with a key chain and red running shoes. Eddy enjoyed sneaking around, stealthy entrances and stealth in general. Quoting the man himself: "It's cool, you walk in quietly, then show yourself and everyone's looking at ya."._

"Unfortunately," _I stated _"you arrived too late."

"I'll give him mine."_ Sarah offered._ "I can eat breakfast in my house."

"Thanks, Sarah."_ Eddy fist-bumped the leaving girl and sat at the table. He took a sip of tea to spit it out the moment later. _"Too sour!"

_Figures. I dropped another lump of sugar into his cup. After that we finally started eating._

"So," _Eddy asked, _"what are we gonna do today?"

"We could visit the Kankers." _Ed stated._ "Lee was supposed to drop by three days ago."

_Cue Eddy spitting hot tea in my face. _

"You haven't told him about this?" _my redheaded companion remarked._

"As you can see, I did not." _I wiped the liquid from my face._

"Waitwaitwaitwait," _my brunette companion was surprised, to say the least._ "the Kankers?"_ He raised his voice._ "Those three trailer trash trollops?!"

"Well..., this requires a little explanation..."

"I don't need no explanation!" _Eddy (int)errupted._ "You guys are either suicidal, desperate to get some or completely bonkers!"

"Please, allow me to elaborate!" _I pleaded._ "Let me tell you the whole story!"

_Eddy looked at me furiously for a few seconds, then rolled his eyes and sighed with defeat._ "Okay, okay. But you guys are insane."

"Thank you. Keep in mind though, I am telling you this sub rosa."

"Huh?"

"No one can find out about this."

"Whatever." _He nodded. I coughed, marking the beginning of the story._

"Four days ago, Ed bumped into Lee..." _I stopped. As much as I respect my friend, I couldn't tell him the truth. He would have probably used it to anger the girl. Or ran to her trailer with fifty dollars in his hand. _

_...believe me, you didn't see his, ahem, collection of magazines. He would be capable of doing such thing._

"Lee what?" _The short friend of mine was not a patient person. Luckily I came up with a white lie to cover what really happened. _

"...begging on the streets."_ I nodded at Ed to not correct me, and fortunately he understood my intentions. _"After striking a conversation we found out that her mother had died and now she's the only breadwinner, and she cannot find a job, lacking appropriate experience and education."

_Eddy was listening to me, chewing on his eggs._

"We purchased some amount of food for her and gave her money in case of any unpredictable events."

_My short friend raised his eyebrow. _"You paid for her food?"

"Yes. I am able to afford such thing. Why shouldn't I help a woman in need?"

"Because that woman is a cunt who harassed us for three years?" _my friend asked, rhetorically._ "Because whenever she and her sisters showed any sign of human emotions they snapped back just in time to royally screw us? Because they seem to believe 'consensual' is some kind of STD?"

"'Forgive' and 'forget' are two different words, Eddy." _Ed interrupted._

"Ed is right."_ I stated._ "I am not naïve, I am fully aware of what can happen to me if I will let my guard down. Nevertheless, my conscience will not allow me to leave a person in need helpless. Even if that person..." _I was unable to find an appropriate word, _"...has issues."

_Having finished my breakfast, I put up my plate and cutlery in the sink._

"Now, if you will allow me, I am going to find out whether something happened to them."

"I'm going with you." _Ed offered._

"Whoa, whoa, whoa." _my black-haired friend stood up and raised his hands._ "You guys serious?"

"Yes." _my tall friend responded._

_Eddy nonchalantly pulled out his Desert Eagle and checked how many bullets were in the magazine. In our state gun control laws are practically non-existent, so Eddy could legally obtain a pistol, despite being only fifteen. Based on the fact that he bought the biggest gun he could get his hands on, he was probably compensating for something. _

_...his height, you perverts. Last time I saw him naked, he had nothing to complain about in __that__ department._

_...I'm digging myself deeper, aren't I? _

_But back on topic, _"You guys are nuts." _Eddy stated._ "I'm not gonna stop ya, but I'm not gonna let you go there alone either. I'm coming with ya. And if they try anything funny, I'm going to defend myself and my friends." _He tried to spin his weapon around his finger, but failed miserably. Desert Eagles are quite heavy and bulky._

_I was unsure whether I should be satisfied or not with that turn of events. On one hand, I knew Eddy will not attempt to do something stupid on purpose, out of respect for me and Ed. On the other hand, he is quite short-tempered and, as I had witnessed a few months ago, trigger-happy. Only time will tell._

"Let's go already."_ I commanded._

**A/N: This is a jab at yaoi fangirls. And Edd/whoever shippers in general.**

**Fun fact: I used the word "said" only once, in this exact sentence.**

**Yay self-plagiarism! The "polyamorous relationship" line is taken from my other fic, "Mistaken for Ed". In which I shipped Edd with Marie... oh shut up!**

**As much as I hate Kevedd (see my profile for the reasons), I want to stress that I have nothing against gay/bi people, hence the mention of Nat (© somebody else) and Edd and Kevin helping him. He will get his own subplot later on.**

**And of course, review. Negative reviews allow me to find the flaws and correct them, while positive are a motivation boost.**


	6. I've Ran Out Of Puns

_The trailer park was a few minutes away by foot. We left my house and slowly strolled towards our destination. Ed and I decided to leave our jacket and hoodie respectively in my house, since the weather didn't require such._

"So, what do you guys want to get by helping them?" _after a few awkward moments my brunette companion broke the silence._

_Truth be told, I wasn't sure myself what I want to do in this situation. Pay the girls' bills, and what would follow?_

"We have no plan." _Ed remarked bluntly._ "We will help them and see what happens."

"Oh, really? Well, allow The Great Eddy-ni to show you the future."

_He pulled a turban out of Ed's trouser pocket and put it on his head. Then he sat down cross-legged on the pavement and shut his eyes, as if he tried to concentrate._

"Um, I see..." _he moaned. _"I see you two, tied down in their bedroom, wearing nothing but their dads' robes, and a camera recording in the corner." _he finished, his voice harsh and dry._

_I shivered a little. For some odd reason, Eddy's description matched the nightmares I had had before he chased the Kankers away. As you remember from the previous chapter, 'forgive' and 'forget' are two different words. So are 'idealist' and 'idiot'. I was aware of levels of depravity the girls were capable of..._

_...you know what, I'm going to say this out loud: they never raped us, but I was afraid they would at some point. For some reason though I wanted to believe that there is something more to them, that they aren't just a trio of sociopathic perverted tormentors._

"Why are you such pessimist, Eddy?" _Ed's question inadvertently broke me out of my trance. _

_Eddy stood up, looking at him as if he just grew an extra pair of limbs. _"Is that a rha-, rhi-, rheta-, that question you don't answer?" _We continued walking._

"I mean, people change,"_ my red-headed companion went on,_ "Lee, May and Marie suffered, well, a lot. Can you imagine, for example, your mother suddenly dying?"

"People change." _Eddy replied in a mocking tone._ "Show me just one guy who acted like a douchebag and then changed his behaviour."

"You." _I countered._

_My short companion froze for a second. Then he calmed down and scowled._

"Point taken."

_At this point we were entering Park'n'Flush. My hands began to shake slightly, so I put them in my pockets. _

_Calm down Eddward, I repeated to myself. You are overreacting. In case of any brawl, the odds are more or less even: three people, one gun on each side. Oh my, both sides have access to firearms! This cannot end up well. And if Marie is quicker on the draw, we will leave their trailer in bodybags..._

_**KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK.**_

_We were now in front of the girls' trailer, Ed knocked on the door. I dismissed my thoughts, deeming them too paranoid, even for my standards._

_After a few seconds we could hear the loud sound of a lock opening and the woman himself opened the door. She was about six feet tall, three inches shorter than me (183 and 175 cm respectively). Yes, we were both tall. She was quite muscular and well built, I feel sorry for anyone who will be inconsiderate enough to challenge her to a fistfight. She had messy curly shoulder-long red hair and was wearing a plain white T-shirt, baggy jeans and worn-out black running shoes. Her overall appearance made her look like she was in her mid-twenties, despite being only seventeen. Judging by her facial expression, she didn't expect us._

"What are you doing here?" _she asked, surprised._

"And good day to you too." _Eddy spat._

"Well, um," _I started,_ "we were worried after you didn't show up a few days ago and decided to check on you."_ I did my best to cover my nervousness. Truth be told, I got good at it over the last two years._

_Lee sighed. _

"You told him?" _She pointed at Eddy._

"My apologies. I didn't want to hide anything from my best friend."

"Relax, I can keep my mouth shut." _my friend reassured._

"Whatever. Go in. Straight to the kitchen, we're eating breakfast now."

_She gestured at us and we entered the trailer. After we entered, she closed the door behind us._

_It was quite spacious, however not bigger than my living room. From what I remembered from my previous, ahem, visits, there were three rooms in it. We've entered the quasi-living room. It was the most spacious one of the three. There were two windows, providing limited light. Near the door stood a small black stand with a CRT TV on it. Opposite it were a brown sofa bed with a few stains on it and a small chipboard coffee table. In the far corner stood a metal bunk bed and a potted plant. Next to them stood a bookshelf, a chest of four drawers, both also made out of chipboard, and a worn-out desk with various computer parts lying on and around it. Near the door to the bathroom stood an old gas heater, used during the cold winter days. A few fishing-related items, like a ship in a bottle, a trophy fish, and a fishing rod, were hanging on a wall opposite the front door. The walls were painted a light shade of cyan. _

_We walked straight through the door on the left to the kitchen. It was small and cluttered. Near the wall to our left stood a row of cupboards. A few more of them were hanging on the wall. On the counter stood a microwave and an electric kettle. A gas oven stood in the corner. Opposite the cupboards were a refridgerator and a table with a couch around it, resembling a booth from the typical diner. On that couch sat two people chewing on sandwiches._

_Marie was a little bit shorter than me. She wore a baggy black tank top, military camouflage trousers, which she deemed both stylish and practical, and black running shoes. Her hair were short and, for some odd reason, she dyed them blue. A vertical scar, which she used to cover by a fringe up until a month after the affair with Eddy's Brother, ran down her round face and through her right eye (still working, if you are interested), probably as a reminder of some brawl that got way out of control. This could explain her interest in guns and ranged weaponry in general: I got away scot-free once or twice after patiently listening to her ten-minute-long lecture about the pros and cons of various rifles. _

_May sat next to her. He was the youngest, shortest (as tall as Eddy) and the most cheerful (well, until the tragic death of her mother) member of the Kanker family. She had long blonde hair, which were now tied behind her head with a rubber band, and was wearing a grey T-shirt, lust knee-long shorts and charcoal shoes. From my observations, she seemed to be the most polite and gentle of the trio: Ed usually had less bruises and lipstick on himself than me or Eddy, especially after the aforementioned affair. Just to be clear: May can be as mean as her older sisters, and while she acts oblivious from time to time, she's smarter than she lets on and will beat you up if you dare to threaten her or her sisters. She preferred baseball bats._

"Welcome."_ I greeted them._

"Hi guys." _While she still was a bit withdrawn, May acted relatively warmly towards me._

"'Sup." _Marie was as cold as the last time. I hoped that this time her revolver was laying somewhere far away from us._

"Outta curiosity, whose are those computer parts?"_ Eddy asked._

"Mine." _Marie answered._ "I've been trying to repair my old computer, but it's hard to do so with a shoestring budget."

"If you need a computer, I could give you my old one. It's collecting the dust in my basement since I got my laptop." _I offered._

"You guys want a drink or something?" _Lee asked._

"That would be nice."

"Whatever."

"Glass of cola for Ed."

_Lee put up three mugs of cola in front of us. Eddy took a small sip, as if to check if it isn't poisoned or spiked. Ed drank the whole thing. I wasn't thirsty, so my mug remained on the table._

"So," _I tried to strike up a conversation,_ "why haven't you dropped by? Did, um, something happen?"

"I was looking for a job." _she replied, grabbing a sandwich from the plate._

"And how did it went?" _Ed asked._

"Good. I got hired in a burger place. Starting today. I'll pay you back with my first salary."

"Relax," _I reassured,_ "you don't have to..."

"But I will." _she interrupted._ "It's a dignity thing."

"But you will get paid after a month, right?" _I pushed._ "During this month a lot of unpredictable things can happen."

"We can handle ourselves, for fuck's sake." _Marie spat. _"We don't need a babysitter, Double D."

_I was about to give her a piece of my mind, but then suddenly a metaphorical light bulb lit above my head. I decided to try a different approach._

"I fully understand this." _I tried to make it sound as natural and friendly as possible. Not that I lied, I simply needed to at least convince her that me, Ed and Eddy aren't enemies._

_Marie's eyes widened a little. I managed to briefly surprise her._

"However," _I went on,_ "neither I nor my friends ever gave you a reason to distrust us. Or did we?"

_The blue-haired girl quickly regained her confidence. _"You waltz into my house like 'Here, have a thousand dollars' despite being treated like penis extensions for three years and expect me to treat this like a normal behaviour?"

_My attempt at being nice failed miserably. For a few seconds I tried to find an appropriate response._

"Ed said something smart about forgiving and forgetting. The one isn't the other." _Eddy joined the conversation. _"As far as I know, those two guys" _he pointed at me and our red-headed companion,_ "aren't the backstabbing type. If they were, they'd have ditched me ages ago, wouldn't they?"

"And you?" _she asked, still distrustful._

"Me? I think Lumpy and Sockhead are frickin' crazy, but as long as they want to help your sorry asses, I'm not gonna throw a wrench in their plans. Just stay away from them and me, and I won't say a thing."

_He outstretched his hand towards Marie._

"If they have no hard feelings, neither do I."

_Marie looked down._

"What a fucking irony." _she stated._ "This is as much help as I got from anyone unrelated to me. And I got it from three guys who'd rather see me hanging on a lamppost."

"I think it's weird, you think it's weird. We have something in common." _Eddy joked._

_After a few seconds of awkward silence she sighed and reluctantly shook my friend's hand._

"'Kay. I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt."

"Now, hopefully we can cooperate without any further..."

_I was interrupted by somebody rattling the knob, then knocking loudly on the door. Lee stood up and went to the living room to check._

"Who could this be?"_ I asked May._

"Not a clue."

_All five of us stood up and followed the host. She was standing in front of the door, trying to see the person on the other side through the peephole. _

"Bastard must be covering it." _she whispered. _"Who's that?" _she shouted._

"Debt collector. Open this bloody door."

_Eddy cursed angrily under his breath._

**A/N Edd's nightmares are a subtle reference to Scary Spikender's _Forfeit_, an EEnE deconstruction fic. I recommend it, but it's an A-material for raping your childhood.**

**Kankers' trailer got a bit more realistic. I mean, in the original show it somehow had two floors.**

**Yes, lust is an actual colour. A shade of red, to be precise. Thanks Wikipedia.**


	7. Prompter?

**A/N I got asked whether this fic will contain any romance. Here's my official answer:**

"**Maybe, maybe not. I need to decide. To not spoil much, at this point I have a few pairings on my mind (some of them, well, unorthodox), but I'm not sure whether I want to ship anyone.  
The problem with handling Eds/Kankers _well_ is that by default (in canon) they wouldn't make a good couple. If I wanted to ship them, it would require an appropriate build-up, to not make this seem ass-pulled. Keep in mind, Lee considers herself asexual and Marie doesn't trust anyone besides her sisters. This MIGHT change in the future, but I need to think about this.  
Nat will appear later on, but his subplot will be devoid of any romance whatsoever. Quite the opposite, really."**

**Now, enjoy the show. And a change of narrator.**

**Eddy's POV.**

_I tried to be calm._

_Lumpy and Sockhead are my friends, I trust them. If they want to help those bitches, I'm not going to interrupt them. Not to mention they made a good impression on me. Sure, they don't trust us and are as ungrateful as I expected, but remained sorta polite and didn't try anything funny. Truth be told, May and Lee actually behaved like human beings for once. Marie's rudeness could be explained by all the shit she went through, so I might turn a blind eye on this. I thought maybe Ed was right and people like them actually do change. _

_But then, this guy came and my whole attitude went to shit._

_He didn't even bother to knock, he grabbed the doorknob first, like he owns the place. Lee opened the door and he whacked her in the face entering. He wore a dark grey suit, white shirt and a red and white striped tie and carried a leather briefcase, like he's the fucking Don Douchebaggio._

_Now, it's not like I suddenly like Kankers. I just fucking hate debt collectors._

_My father's used car dealership almost went to hell a year ago, because of one of the twats. Dad had financial problems 'cause one of his workers helped somebody steal a few cars. He had enough proof to fire him, and when the fired dipshit had the guts to ask him for a salary, he literally kicked him out. The fucker went back, bringing some half-assed debt collector who demanded that my dad should pay the missing salary, plus some interest, plus payment for his service. Add the fact that the stolen cars had to be kept by the police as the evidence, and we were pretty much screwed. We managed to survive only because the whole family borrowed us some cash and the Eds briefly returned to scamming. I had actually listened to my friends' complaints and double-checked whether the stuff won't blow up in our faces myself, so it had been a moderate success._

_But back on the topic, the fucker entered the trailer, noticed that he just hit somebody with the door, and turned to Lee._

"Good morning."

_Take a few breaths, Eddy. Count to ten... One, two, three..._

"Andrew Malborough, debt collector. Mrs Irene Kanker, I presume..."

"No,..." _she started, to get interrupted by the douchenozzle._

"Doesn't matter. I'm here to collect one thousand two hundred forty-seven dollars of unpaid loan." _he stated, showing as much empathy as a brick in a dishwasher._

"Wait a fuckin' second." _I said._ "From which ass you pulled that amount? You have any papers on that?"

_The guy opened his briefcase and pulled out a paper folder labelled 'Kanker, I.' and gave it to Lee. She opened it and began browsing the documents inside._

"Ma took a loan in November to get some new furniture and a gas heater..." _she muttered, inspecting the papers,_ "...yeah, this is the one. Bloody fuck, I've forgotten to pay it."

"After the current instalment's payment was delayed, the bank sold your debt to us. So," _he clasped his hands, _"what sort of life tragedy made you forget to stick to the schedule?" _he said, in a mocking tone._

_I snapped._

"Well, excuse her, dickwaffle, she just had to **bury her own fucking mother**! If you showed some sort of sympathy, your brain woulda exploded or what?!"

_He looked at me funny and pulled out a small notebook and a pen outta his pocket._

"Dick...waffle...," _he noted it down, _"never heard that one before. And you," _he pointed his pen at Lee, _"death certificate."

_Lee nodded at May, who quickly went to the desk and pulled out a piece of paper from the drawer. She gave it to the bastard, who began reading it carefully. His eyes went through row after row._

"Oh."

_He put it down and outstretched his hand towards the host. _"My condolences."

"You have got to be kidding me!" _I shouted at him._ "You walk here like a fucking mobster or something, treat her like shit, and now you're 'oops, sorry'?!"_ Ed grabbed my shirt to prevent me from attacking the guy._

"I've been working as a debt collector for six years." _he replied, unmoved._ "Believe me, most people who require the service of my company are simply dodging the payment, especially the lower-class ones. No offence."

"I fuckin' forgot..." _Lee repeated._ "What happens now? I'm unemployed and kinda broke. The guy here"_ she pointed at Edd, _"at this point pays for my life."

_He looked at Sockhead. _"Partner, family, friend, sponsor, souteneur..."

_Marie frowned, but remained silent. The thin guy looked at him, abashed._

"Former bullying victim slash stalkee." _I answered for him._

"Fascinating." _he said, a hint of interest in his voice. He turned to Lee. _"So, Ms..."

"Kanker, Lee Alex Kanker."

_He took the folder from the tall gal's hands and replaced 'I' with 'L'._

"...are you willing to pay the debt?"

"And are you willing to stop asking stupid questions?"_ she replied, annoyed._ "Of course. Today is my first day at the new job."

"And in case of emergency I will be able to lend her some money." _Sockhead added._

_I could swear Lee momentarily scowled._

"Anyway..." _the tool went on,_ "...do you have any sort of legal guardian?"

_Lee sighed._ "Nope. Ma is dead, fathers... it's complicated. And we don't wanna go to an orphanage."

"Can't blame you. How old are you all?"

"Seventeen to fifteen." _she answered._

_The debt collector pulled out a smartphone and dialled a number._

"I'm not going to report you." _he reassured._ "I need to consult my supervisor... Hello?" _he said, after hearing a voice in the speaker._ "I have a complicated case here... no, they want to pay... it goes like this..."

_He explained the situation to his boss. Everyone in the trailer was on the edge on their seats, wondering how this will end. Lee muttered to my friends something about feeling deja vu._

"oh... okay... great. Good bye." _the guy hung up and turned to Lee. _"We do it like this: we will go to my supervisor's office, I think we can make an instalment agreement."

"You know," _Marie spat,_ "the good cop-bad cop routine requires two people."

_The man looked at her, allowing himself to show a subtle hint of compassion._

"I'm a human being, with my own family and children, not a robot running on money." _he told her._ "I just want to do my job. You are willing to cooperate, so I'm going to be nice and polite. Now, shall we?" _He pointed at the door._

"I'm supposed to be at work in thirty minutes. Would you mind if Marie took care of that?" _the redhead replied._

"I'm going with ya." _I stated. _"I have a little experience with the law stuff."_ I really didn't want them to get screwed if the guy's sudden change of heart was a façade. Yes, I'm gettin' soft. Deal with it._

"If you allow me, I would like to participate in this as well."_ Edd added._

"Not a problem." _the debt collector said. _"I might give Ms Lee a lift to the city if she needs one."

"That'd be great." _For some reason, she sounded... odd. As if she didn't really want our help. Oh well._

* * *

_Me, Bluenette and Sockhead were driven to one of those large office blocks in the city centre. Andrew's boss had an office on the thirteenth floor. We walked in, expecting them to royally fuck us._

_For the first time in my life I was glad I was wrong._

_The guys did their best to explain the hard parts of the agreement, decided to cut down the company's profits in half and agreed on twelve monthly instalments. I read all the papers a few times and found no catches or hidden fees. Not to mention the fact that they decided to keep a low profile. The documents were signed with the late Ma Kanker's name and they promised to not say a thing about Kankers being wild childs. I admit, that was an unexpected and unprofessional move: if someone found out, we'd all be screwed. But hey, I'm not going to rat out, I just can hope neither will they._

_We left the office at around 11:30 AM. Paperwork. The guy's boss gave Marie a coupon for lunch at the cafeteria, so we were waiting on the ground floor while she went to grab some food. Yeah, I know this is 'Murica, I should've said 'first floor', but Bee-Vee claims he was learning Brit English for twelve years and he's going to use it. To quote the man himself: 'Sue me.'_

_So we were sitting on the couch in the lobby on the __ground floor__ like bloody idiots, waiting for her, staring dumbly at the elevators in front of us. The walls had creme tiles on them, there was a big-ass window behind us, a potted plant stood in the corner. A typical modern office building._

"Tell me Eddy," _Sockhead broke the silence,_ "what do you think about this?"

"What am I supposed to think?" _I replied._ "As long as they stay away from us, I don't really care. I might end up giving them a few law tips."

"Does it mean you aren't going to torpedo my attempts to rehabilitate them?"

"Wha- no, I won't!" _I reacted._ "I trust you, I know you ain't no idiot and can take care of-"

"Hey guys."

_We both turned and noticed Nazz standing next to us. I should describe her now, right? So, she had a blonde bob haircut and wore a black long-sleeved shirt, sorta-violet pants and shoes. She also had subtle make-up on her face. Yessiree, she was still hot. And, sigh, she was dating Shovelchin. I could've swept her off her feet, but I don't hit on taken girls. Plus, I respect Kev too much to do such thing to him._

_...surprised? I try to be less of a tool than in the actual show. I have my reasons._

"Hello Nazz." _Edd greeted her. We got over sweating ourselves anytime she looked at us and smiled._ "What an unexpected encounter."

"Yeah, my father works on the eighth floor. What are you doing here?" _she asked cheerfully. Y'know, even if outta my reach, having her as a friend somewhat lightens up the day._

"We were here... um..." _Sockhead was terrible when it came to making up stuff. I decided to step in._

"Red tape stuff. Dad asked me to consult a lawyer with some law matters." _This wasn't a complete asspull. My father began to give me small tasks to help me prepare for taking over the family business when he will retire. My twat brother got dis-, dish-, prompter?_

**Disinherited.**

_Whatever the bold letters said._ _I'm not going to cry._

"Truth be told, I'm glad I see you two." _she said._ "I'm planning a little party tomorrow. I hope you two and Ed come."_ She looked at Edd. _"Especially you, Double D."

_Sockhead sighed._ "You both know I am not a party animal."

"Jeez, Double D!" _I burst a little._ "Pull out the plug out of your butthole and start talking to other people!"

_Before he managed to counter, we heard Marie's voice from not too far away._

"I'd managed to smuggle a sandwich for you g-"

_She stopped, noticing the blonde girl. Their gazes met. Nazz's eyes widened in what I suspect was pure fear._

"H-h-h-hi Marie." _she stammered._

"And hello to you too..."_ she looked down and snapped her fingers,_ "...Natalie?"

"N-Nazz."

"Shit." _she cussed, not caring about the blonde girl's nervousness._ "Not that I disrespect you, I'm just not good with names."

"Yeah, we lied to you, we were actually helping her deal with the red tape, sorry." _I said, seeing that the cat was outta the bag. She gave us the 'are you guys effin' crazy?' stare._

"Actually," _Edd broke the silence_. "I might consider attending to your party. But, I would want to ask you something."

_The blonde gal looked at him._

"Could you please invite Kankers as well?"

"**What?!**" _we all shouted._

"Excuse me for a sec." _Marie said sotto voce, grabbed Double D by the collar and dragged him behind a corner. I followed them._

_The gal put Edd against a wall, so that Nazz couldn't hear or see us._

"All right, Double D," _she asked quietly yet firmly,_ "what the fuck are you trying to achieve?"

"I'm just trying to help." _he replied._ "If you will show up on a party and behave properly, people will fear you less. You had noticed how Nazz reacted to you, hadn't you?"

"I don't need it." _Bluenette spat_.

_I crossed my arms. _"Sockhead has a point. You don't have to be loved by everyone, but not being hated helps a lot."_ I knew what I was saying, speaking from my own personal experience._

"Anyway, can we please return to her and calm her down, perhaps explain some things?"_ Edd suggested. We both nodded, and returned to the couch..._

_...to notice that Nazz decided to leg it._

"Dagnabit." _Edd 'cussed'._

_Then, we heard a 'clap, clap 'Oi!'' ringtone, signalling that Sockhead got an SMS. He pulled out his phone and showed it to us._

"Sorry for leaving u at her mercy. ~Nazz."

**A/N There are two reasons why I gave Lee such middle name. The first is related to its etymology ('Alexander' and, by proxy, 'Alexandra', means 'helper, defender' and Lee tries to be this to her sisters), the second – to the fact that 'Alex', just like 'Lee', is an unisex name. **

**Yet again, thank Gosh for Wikipedia and its list of minced oats.**

**Yeah, I'm not going to make people instantly forget Kankers' past shenanigans. That'd be too easy. But, going all dark-and-edgy isn't my thing either, hence the bit with the debt collector helping them.**

**Also, Edd's ringtone is a very subtle shout out to a certain ranting Brit.**


	8. Meet the Team

**A/N: Aaaaand another change of POV. This is the last one in this part though, so as to not confuse the readers more.**

**Nazz's POV.**

_So, I should've said how it all start-ed for me, right? Gosh, those puns are terrible._

_My father works as a lawyer. He had forgotten some important documents and called me to deliver them to the office. I, being a good girl, grabbed the suitcase and took it to the office block he works at. After doing so, I took the stairs down (it's good for your health) and met Edd and Eddy in the lobby._

_You know how it went, I'm not going to repeat what Eddy said. You probably wonder why I ran away so fast. Well, I guess it requires a bit of a backstory._

_While Ed, Edd, and Eddy were Kankers' favourite targets, they weren't above picking on the rest either. From all the other children, I used to get the shortest straw, for being the only girl sans them in the class. I got stuffed in the locker more often than I'd care to admit for "being a homewrecking bitch". Read: asking Eds the time or something equally trivial. _

_Why did no one reacted, you ask? We did. Our parents complained a lot about the girls, but every single attempt to rehabilitate them was shot down by their mother. An odd woman, I must say. She certainly wasn't the uncaring type, like Ed's parents, or the absent type, like Edd's. She wasn't denying that Lee, May and Marie were bullying everyone, but it seemed like she was okay with that, for some reason. Luckily for us, they had seemed to focus solely on the poor guys since around the BPS, and left me and everyone else alone. _

…_hey, who said I can't break the fourth wall as well?_

_Up until the Valentines' Day this year, everything had been (relatively) well for us, and hopeless for the Eds. I had asked them around February the 12th why they won't try to defend themselves. Ed had said that he doesn't hit girls, Edd had said he's too weak to do so. They haven't convinced me, to be honest. I mean, can't Double D construct a hydraulic arm or something? And Ed, while being kind and polite if a bit dim-witted, didn't have this sort of issues when some two girls had tried to mug him on the street in March last year. One had ended with a broken arm, the other had her own knife in her stomach. Eddy had just said he was saving money to get a solution to this problem. And he had almost saved enough._

_I don't know what had he done, but after that year's February 14th, Lee, May and Marie stopped tormenting them and became much more withdrawn. We were having lessons together, but they didn't talk to anyone. Just doing what they were supposed to do, sitting in the janitor's closet on the breaks, walking to and from school alone... quite sad when you think about this. Alas, they deserved it, I guess._

_Anyway, back to the story proper. After running away I was lucky enough to catch the bus to the cul-de-sac. I got into it, bought the ticket, sat down, sent the text message, and then began thinking what the heck did I saw. I mean, Eddy said that they were helping her with some bureaucratic stuff. They weren't really terrified either. The girl herself wasn't really that scary, my fears came out of our past, ahem, encounters. She even grabbed a sandwich for them. Something was really unusual here._

"_Next Stop: Peach Creek Rathink Avenue." the mechanical voice announced, showing the name on the LCD display in the bus. Yes, the public transport system grew up a bit, and we got a bus stop on our street, just two minutes away by foot. While we preferred to just walk from our houses to school and shops, this was quite convenient for us when we needed to travel to the city centre._

_The bus stopped and I got out, still thinking about the situation. My fear was replaced with curiosity. What do Eds and Kankers have in common, besides being a trio? Why would Edd and Eddy help them with anything, especially Eddy? Wait a minute... Ed wasn't with them! Maybe he's in the cul-de-sac, and I can ask him a few questions, or at least inform him what was happening._

_Finding the lovable loaf wasn't hard at all. Whenever he wasn't with his friends, he was helping around at Rolf's with various farm works, to earn some money for himself. His parent weren't giving him any sort of allowance, and I heard people saying parents don't buy him anything, even school stuff. But people also say Kankers are living in an incestuous threesome, so you can guess how believable those gossips are._

_I walked to Rolf's house and, just as expected, Ed was there, wearing a white stained shirt and denim overalls, feeding the chickens. Oh, how he loved them. He even considered becoming a vegetarian at some point, but Sarah talked him out of it. The son of a shepherd himself was tilting the soil, wearing his usual yellow shirt with red strip on it, light blue jeans and shoes, size 11 (or 45 in Europe). You know, it's fascinating how we all more or less stuck to the same outfits over the years. Back on topic, his skin was dark and tanned and his hair were dark blue. He said most people in the Old Country have hair like that, so it's probably some sort of regional mutation._

_The boys noticed and greeted me._

"Greetings, she-who-sweeps-men-and-some-women-off-their-feet Nazz girl!"

"Hi Nazz!"

"Hi guys!" _I returned the greetings, deciding to get to the point._ "Ed, do you know where Double D and Eddy are?"

"Helping Kankers with making some in-tal-ment agreement or something, why do you ask?"

_His bluntness surprised me. And not only me, judging by the fact that Rolf froze in place and stopped pushing the soil-tilling-thingy._

"Um, what?"

"Oh." _H__e realized what he just said._ "I should explain a few things, shouldn't I?"

"Yes... you should..." _the farmer said, slowly releasing the plough._

"So," _he started,_ "recently we found Lee pro-, begging on the street."

"Pro-begging?" _I asked._ "What's that?"

"It's, um, a form of begging, but instead of sitting on the pavement you walk around with, erm, a hat for people to put money in." _You learn new thing every day._ "Anyway, it turned out that her mother recently passed away." _He crossed himself._ "Cancer."

_I felt a sting in my heart. You know, losing a parent is always a loss. And if you lose the only parent at the age of- actually, how old are they? _

_You know, at this point I realized that I know nothing about Lee, May and Marie. Sure, they are huge jerks, but, as a wise man once said, villains aren't born, they are made. They aren't spoiled for sure, so what tragedy, what sorts of humiliation could have turned normal members of society into such individuals?_

"It turned out they are broke and need the cash to survive, so Double D and me..."

"And I." _I corrected him._

"Okay, Double D and I are helping them deal with their stuff and g-, borrowing them money until they find a job. Today some debt collector came to them to collect the debt and Marie, Double D and Eddy tried to get some agreement."

"Wait a second, gentle-giant-Ed-boy." _Rolf joined the discussion._ "Aren't you and your friends afraid of the dreaded Kanker sisters? What if they will try to harm you?"

"What if they don't?" _he countered. _"What if they actually are happy that we help them, but won't admit it, because of their dignity and guilt for what they were doing to us and everyone?" _The tall boy sighed. _"I..." _he paused for a bit,_ "I just want to believe they are actual human beings, not some sadistic robots from 'I Married A Psychopathic A.I' or something. Stupid, I know."

"Believing in people isn't stupid, Ed. Sure, you need to be careful, but..."

"Ed!"_ someone shouted in the distance. We turned to notice his red-headed sister and Jimmy running to us. Sarah was already described, Jimmy wore a light blue shirt, white trousers and shoes, all made by himself. Not because he had to, but because he wanted to, and was pretty good at it, I might add. He was as tall as Sarah and had very light blonde hair, made into fashionable yet impractical curls._

"Ed!" _Sarah repeated._ "Mum wants you to go and buy that pomegranate juice from Super Target."

"Wait a sec," _I interrupted. _"Your mum really said: go and tell your brother he's supposed to go to the big-box store on the other end of the city to grab one carton of juice?"

"Yes, she did." _Sarah responded. She seemed not quite content with the fact that her brother is going on such pointless journey. _

"Their family is not quite normal." _Jimmy added._

_Ed scowled._ "All right." _Sarah handed him money, pulled out a few coins out of her pocket, and gave him as well._

"Here, bro. Get yourself a jawbreaker or something."

_He patted her on the head, a subtle smile back on his face._ "Thanks, ba- Sarah." _He turned to the son of a shepherd._ "Rolf, I need to go."

"Not a problem, Ed-boy. Family duties call you."

"I'll just change my clothes and go through front door. See ya." _he declared and went to Rolf's house._

_I turned to the farmer._ "So, what do you think?"

"About what?" _Sarah asked, not present during her brother's confession._

_I had to repeat what Ed said, adding a few details from my encounter earlier that day. It was hard, because the girl kept interrupting me, exclaiming surprise in various ways. Jimmy was listening carefully, nodding._

"...and that's the whole story." _I concluded._

"My brother is a naïve idiot" _Sarah sighed._

"Poor souls." _the blonde boy stated._

"They deserved it."

"Sarah!"_ Jimmy reacted._

"I'm not going to feel sorry for those cunts!..."

"Language!" _I interrupted. I don't like swear words, and if a girl younger than me is using them, I'm going to react._

"For three years they turned my brother's life-, everyone's life, into living heck, and now I'm supposed to feel sorry for them?! No. Effin. Way." _Sarah said breathlessly._

"We are talking about serious matters, she-who-bursts-ear-drums." _Rolf replied, trying to sound wisely._ "The loss of the head of the family is a tragedy, and no one should go through such experience so early in their lives."

"Anyway, we need to do something."_ I stated. _"If Eds are in this situation, it will affect us, sooner or later. We need to find out what Kankers are up to. Assuming they actually are up to something."

"Assuming?" _Sarah asked._

"Truth be told, Ed convinced me." _I said._ "I read a few books on psychology. Such events can cause a one-eighty degree turn in someone's personality."

_Dangit, I've forgotten to mention that. I'm a bad storyteller. Over those two years since the affair with Eddy's brother I got interested in medicine and psychology. That meant lots of hard work and massive catching up in biology, chemistry and physics. It was worth it though: those subjects, apart from fascinating me, will provide a good income in the future and allow me to help other people._

"And do we have a plan?" _Jimmy asked shyly._

"My suggestion is: let's pay them a friendly visit, bring a cake to eat with them, and try to pry a little bit." _I replied. At this point I was extremely curious what's inside the minds of Kankers and would've went there alone if they decided to back off. Yes, it was suicidal, but I really wanted to get to know them a tad more. _

"That's... actually not that bad idea."_ Rolf stated._

"And what if they..." _Sarah started._

"They won't." _I reassured. _"Even if they are into something, we aren't primary targets, the Eds are. And maybe we will find out their eventual plan and warn the boys."

"Dunno..." _she said._ "...but if it means helping Ed, I'm in."

"So, are we doing this?"

"Maybe those girls just need a reassuring hug... I'm in as well." _Jimmy said, as firmly as he could._ "I have a no-bake cheesecake in my fridge, I can bring it."

"Rolf is going to participate too. In case the living-in-a-trailer-Kanker-girls decide to attack, the Son of a Shepherd is going to protect you!" _the farmer stated._

"Great." _the boy's speech made me shiver in fear a little, but I decided to disregard that feeling. _"So, meeting here in fifteen minutes?"

**A/N Ed and Edd are terrible when it comes to keeping their mouths shut, aren't they?**


	9. Is It Really Obvious That I Like TF2?

**A/N Today, a little commentary about shipping and my feelings about this. If you don't like it, scroll to the first non-bold line.**

**I got an anonymous review to this story a few days ago, signed 'FINALLY':**

"**For once there's a story that isn't a gay KevEdd one. no offense to KevEdd supporters but I hate them. But good story"**

**I deleted it, 'cause it wasn't really reviewing BOMF, but I understand what he feels.**

**If you want to prove that Sturgeon's Law is fully correct, read some shipping fics, not only Kevin/Edd ones. Toxic relationships I'm supposed to root for (asphyxion's R!Kevedd, for example), designated heroes and villains, blatant OOC, turning complicated characters into flat semes and ukes, too much focus on the OCs, whitewashing villains with Freudian excuses, the list goes on. I hope not every shipping fic is like that, but, sadly, the ones I've read used at least one of those clichés.**

**I don't want every character to be aromantic though. I think shipping is just a tool, one of many that the author can use. The person's crushes can tell a lot about their personality. For example, why do you think Marie "likes" Edd? Could it be that she's tired of being hit on by obnoxious trailer trash living around her and now wants someone who's the exact opposite of that? Could be. Could it be that she wants a guy who won't fight back? Could be. Please consider this when writing your own stories.**

**Now, Back On Topic. Enjoy.**

_Fifteen minutes later I was in front of Rolf's house. My preparations took around sixty seconds, and consisted of grabbing a can of pepper spray from my house, just in case. Jimmy had already arrived, carrying a plate of no-bake cheesecake with a layer of strawberry jelly on top. We both stood leaning against a wall, waiting for the remaining members of our party._

"Do you really believe this is a good idea?" _he asked._

"Yes." _I said. Even if I didn't, I would've carried on this plan. As I said, if Eds have any sorts of dealings with Kankers, it will affect the rest of the cul-de-sac, sooner or later. Worst case scenario: it's all a gambit on the girls' part to mess with the Eds, us, or both. "Best" case scenario: they really need help, dealing with all the stuff after their mother's passing. I also considered a third possibility, being the unspecified mix of the above. No matter what, we needed to investigate this issue ourselves._

_I noticed Sarah stepping out of her house, holding an unspecified red object in her hands. I waved to her, she waved back, approaching us. _

"Sorry guys, couldn't find my father's toolbox."

_As she had gotten closer to us, I noticed the red thing was in fact a small crowbar._

"Sarah,..." _I asked, feeling uneasy,_ "...why are you carrying this?"

"Could be useful as a club." _she replied, spinning it in her hand._ "You said something about prying, so I decided to take it a bit literally."

_I sighed._ "Could you please hide it or somet..."

_We heard a sound of the lock being opened, and the son of a shepherd stepped out of the building. We all turned to him._

"Rolf is ready." _he announced._

"All right. Do you have some sort of weapon on yourself?" I_ asked, wanting to avoid surprises later on._

_The boy pulled out a mother-ducking two-handed sword out of his jeans pocket and held it over his head._

"This claidheamh was passed down in Rolf's family for generations. Now it's time for the Son of a Shepherd to..."

"We get it!" _all three of us interrupted him. He hid the blade back in the trousers. Despite knowing each other since kindergarten, the European boy never ceased to surprise me with his reality-breaking stunts._ "Sarah, hide the crowbar as well."_ I demanded. _

_We haven't even got out of the street, and I was beginning to feel exasperated._

* * *

_The walk to the Kankers' home was completely silent. Probably everyone was thinking about what we were about to do. But, alas, it was too late to retreat._

_We got to the outskirts of the trailer park when I realized my brilliant plan has a small flaw._

"Um, dudes, which trailer do they live in?"

_Yes, we didn't know the exact address. None of us were in their house, sans the Eds. We just knew they live somewhere in the Park'n'Flush._

"This place scares me, Sarah!"_ the frail boy began to shake a little bit._

"We can always ask someone." _the girl remarked, with a very subtle hint of uneasiness in her voice._

_I approached a young shirtless guy enjoying some cheap alcohol on the porch of one of the mobile homes._

"Excuse me, do you know where can I find the Kanker family's trailer?"

_He looked at me, and took a huge gulp out of his bottle._

"You wanna some good time, girl?" _he slurred._

"Answer the question." _I demanded. _

"They can wait, baby..."

_I slapped him in the face. A fifty-something bald man peeped from another trailer._

"Leave 'er alone, fucker." _he scolded him, then turned to me._ "You lookin' for the Kankers?" _he asked in a gruff voice._

"Yeah, I do. We just wanted to have a chat with them."

_He smirked._ "They ain't the chatter type, but I'm gonna 'elp you. Wait a sec."

_He disappeared, only to step outside of his home a moment later, putting a worn-out wife-beater on himself._

"Tip: ignore the bastard." _he pointed at the young man, who was now giving him the finger._ "So, the Kankers live in that huge-ass trailer there." _he pointed._ "Irene passed away a month ago, God bless upon 'er soul." _he crossed himself, like Ed earlier._

"What can you tell me about them?" _I asked, sensing the opportunity to get some info._

"Well, I think the girls're a bit too withdrawn and sadistic,..."

_Sarah muttered something under her breath. Probably it's a good thing no one heard exactly what she said._

"...but hey, itsa cruel world, you gotta fight for your rights and stuff. May's more likeable, prolly 'cos she's younger and less jaded than Marie or Lee, but she's got some teeth 'erself, just ask the guy there."

"Shaddup." _he spat._

"What did the youngest Kanker-girl do to that man?" _Rolf joined the conversation._

"'E was hittin' on her, and she was always politely tellin' 'im to piss off." _the man explained._ "One day 'e 'ad been drunk out of 'is ass and 'adn't took 'no' for an answer. So she 'ad kicked 'im in the balls so 'ard 'e was walking funny for the next week."

_The old man sidestepped to dodge a bottle thrown at him, which shattered on the wall of his mobile home._

"And the deceased head of the family?" _I asked._

"Irene? Mean as 'ell, but one of the very few people I knew who 'ad some sorta moral code." _he replied._ "Not the thing you middle-class kids are used to – no offence – but she ain't... wasn't drunk or 'igh all the time, and worked to earn some legit money, unlike most ofta fuckin' trailer trash livin' 'ere. She cared for the girls. Now she's gone, and Lee 'as to run the 'ouse."

_He pulled out an old wallet from his pocket and produced a twenty-dollar bill._

"Do me a favour, young lady." _he gave the money to me._ "Give 'er this, with condolences from the ol' Steven."

"Not a problem, I guess." _I answered._

"Anyway, good luck." _he saluted to bid farewell._ "Maybe y'all will help them, or at least keep 'em company. And you, cunt," _he pointed at the boy._ "show some respect to women next time." _Then he turned back and returned to his trailer, closing the door behind him._

"Um, let's go, dudes." _I commanded._

_I felt uneasy. The guy essentially praised the late Irene and was pretty much neutral towards her daughters as well. I felt it was something more than the usual tradition of never speaking ill if the dead. I literally had no idea what to expect._

_I approached the door of the trailer the old man pointed at. Rolf was standing right behind me, Sarah and Jimmy stood a few steps further away._

"Maybe we should leave the cake on the porch and leave."_ Jimmy suggested._

_Instead of responding, I firmly knocked at the door. The die has been cast._

_We stood there for a few seconds before someone walked to the other side of the door._

"Who's that?" _As far as I knew, it was May, but I wasn't 100 per cent sure._

"The delegation of Rathink Avenue has arrived to visit the household of the mourning Kanker sisters." _Rolf answered._

"We have cake." _I added._

_The door opened slightly, to reveal a blonde girl looking curiously at us._

"...really?"

"Y-yes, of course!"

"Um, come in then." _she opened the door wider. To give an example, I went first, the rest followed suit._

_She pointed at the worn-out brown couch. _"Sit here, okay? I need to borrow a stool to sit on. We don't get much guests, y'know." _Then, she left, leaving us alone in the trailer. _

_Not bad so far. _

"Dudes, now relax." _I said._ "We need to keep calm and try to be subtle. Ask some questions, look around for something unusual..."

"Like this?"_ Jimmy pointed at a notebook lying on a table. Sarah immediately snatched it and began browsing the pages._

"It looks like a diary or something..."

"Read it out loud." _I suggested._

_She coughed and began reading._

* * *

"...so, how long do you know each other?"

"Since high school." Arthur answered. "I was transferred from a different state. At the first day people started beating me up for kicks, and she stepped forward and told them to fuck off. I invited her to cinema, and we started hanging out together."

"When did she tell you she is a lesbian?" William asked.

"The first day. We were leaving the cinema, and then suddenly she goes 'You know I'm into girls?' I said 'So? It wasn't a proposal, we were just watching a movie together.'"

The man chuckled.

"Are you always so direct?"

"Yes. I always liked things blunt and simple..."

* * *

_We stopped reading, because somebody on the outside grabbed a knob and opened the door. The notebook quickly landed on the table, closed._

"May, how many times did I tell you to lock the do..."

_Marie walked in, carrying a large bag with some box inside in her left hand, when she noticed us. She froze dead in her tracks and looked at us, focused. She dropped whatever she had and kept the hands slightly raised, ready to attack._

"Okay," _I said, trying to calm her down._ "I'll just explain what's going on..."

_But Sarah, being as level-headed as usual, charged on her with a crowbar. _

_Marie pulled something metallic out of her pocket. The redhead swung her weapon, hitting her in the hand. The silver thing dropped on the floor. After a split-second of regaining posture, the blue-haired girl delivered a punch to stun her opponent, and then kicked her just below her knee, making Sarah lose her balance and fall down. With a swift motion she picked a thing and aimed at the defenceless redhead._

_...oh my goodness, she has a gun!_

_Rolf, after shaking off the initial shock pulled out his clai-something with his right hand and quickly pointed it at the girl so that the other end was an inch from her throat, locking us in a Mexican stand-off._

"Rrrrrrrrright." _I said, after a few exceptionally long seconds. At this point I was a little bit nervous, but then again, a European immigrant is currently aiming a zweihander at a blue-haired trailer girl with a revolver, who in turn is aiming her weapon at a thirteen-year-old girl with a crowbar._

_...why can't I live in a normal neighbourhood?_

"Oh my God!"

_May entered the trailer, carrying a wooden stool in her hands._

"What is going on here?"

"That red bitch jumped on me with a crowbar!" _Marie exclaimed._ "I didn't even want to shoot them, just threaten them to back off!"

"Y'know,"_ she said, slowly pushing the blade away from her sister's throat,_ "get yourself something to sit on or stuff. I'll try to explain the situation calmly."_ she added, putting the emphasis on the last word._

_The blue-haired Kanker left the trailer. Jimmy helped Sarah stand up and return to the couch. The girl was limping slightly. May turned to us, crossing her arms._

"What was that about?" _she asked._

"A misunderstanding." _I quickly reassured._ "Marie returned home and Sarah, not knowing what to do, attacked her."

_May sighed. _"Hand over your weapons, okay?"

_Sarah reluctantly handed her the crowbar, Rolf dropped the sword on the floor. The girl carried them to the other room._

"They will stay there until you leave, 'cause, well, I really don't want anything serious going on."

"What is in this notebook?" _Jimmy asked, pointing at the object at the table._

"This? Oh, you read that?"

"Ummmm..." _we collectively stammered._

"Relax, it's not a diary or anything. It's just a little story I'm writing."

"About what?" _Jimmy asked, curious._

_May sat down on the stool and opened the notepad on the first page, showing us some sort of crude concept art, presenting two guys and a girl between them._

"It's about three friends living together. William is, uh, a white-collar everyman, Arthur is an asexual socially handicapped blue-collar worker, and Phoenix is a sarcastic goth tomboy."

"Phoenix?" _Sarah repeated with disbelief._ "Sounds like a prostitute nickname."

"It's my middle name."_ We raised our heads to see Marie standing next to us with a plastic chair. _"My father's brilliant idea." _she added, bitterly. _

_She put down the chair and sat down. I muttered to Sarah to keep her mouth shut for a moment._

"I've noticed something." _I said._ "The trio is combined in a way that eliminates any romantic interactions between them."

"Yeah, um, that was intentional." _May replied._

"Why?"

_May stood up and began slowly walking around. The simpleton aura surrounding her disappeared almost instantly._

"This might surprise you," _she started, _"but I'm not really into romance. I've read a lot of them, both original stories and shipping fics and most follow the same pattern. A hurts, B comforts, intercourse. Jealous third party or some obstacle is eliminated, intercourse again. Alternatively they die as love martyrs and everyone goes 'we shouldn't stop their love' or something."

_We are going meta, eh, Barth?_

"The relation between two or more characters in a story can be more varied than 'loves them', 'hates them', and 'hates them, but would bang'. The subtleties, the way they speak to each other, the little heartwarming moments, forms of interaction between them, possible outcomes are almost endless. Also, occasionally an abusive or otherwise toxic relationship is portrayed as something completely right, just because the author has little experience with writing and, in case of shipping fics, believes the couple is perfect just because..."

"Are you done channeling the author?" _Marie spat. _

_The blonde turned to her._ "Why are you so bitter, sis?" _she asked._

"Do you really believe they listened to your harangue?"

"Romances are unoriginal and simplify the relation between the characters too much, so she doesn't like them. Also, the main couple is always portrayed as universally right, no matter how many immoral deeds they make." _I summed up May's ramblings._

_For a second Marie looked at me as if I was some sort of demon._

"...what the fuck are you trying to achieve?" _she whispered, angrily._

"Nothing." _Jimmy replied._ "Just want to hel..."

"Do you really expect me to believe that bullshit?!" _she erupted._

"Marie, calm down." _her sister tried to defuse the situation._

"Look the fuck around, May!" _She failed miserably._ "We are stuck in a dump, surrounded by addicts, lowlifes and perverts! We have no one, I repeat, no one besides each other! Do you really believe they give two shits about us?! Do you think the Eds give a damn?!"

_May grabbed her sister's collar and pulled her closer, looking her straight in the face._

"I'm going to say it directly." _she said, firmly, but not angrily._ "If they wanted to humiliate us, they would have fucked Lee four days ago. They. Did. Not." _She released Marie, who appeared a bit taken aback by May's reaction._

"What are you talking about, long-haired-Kanker-girl?" _Rolf asked._

_I decided that a change of topic would be very healthy._

"What's in the bag you brought, Marie?" _I asked._

"This? Nothing, nothing at all!" _the blue-haired girl replied nervously. _

_Rolf stood up, walked to the bag, and pulled out the metal box with CPUs, hard drives etc in it. It probably has a name, but my knowledge about computers is limited to checking messages and posting pics from holidays._

_May looked at her sister._ "How did you ge-"

"Stole it."

_It was clear Marie had something to hide._

"But didn't Double D mention something about having some equipment..."

"Alright, it's his, he gave it to me!" _she shouted._ "I thought that since we are already at their waiting for the final blow, I might as well milk him for all it's worth."

_Lies, lies, blatant lies. _

"Orrrrr..." _I joined the conversation,_ "you are afraid to admit that indeed you trust him."

"Wha- no, I don't!"

_You know, this was one of the oddest moments in my life. That confident jerk who I had to deal with for way too long, was sitting in front of me, trying and failing to act tough. _

"Listen,"_ I started, raising my hands in a 'nothing to hide' gesture,_ "you and I probably have very little in common. I mean, my parents' earnings are five-digits per month both, and my life was more or less stable, not counting the Eds' scams, and even that stopped two years ago. I can only guess what you feel. But one thing I know for sure."

_I approached her and put my hand on her shoulder, and noticing no objection on her part, I continued talking._

"People aren't evil by default, y'know. And even the most vile individuals have some redeeming qualities."

"I heard Adolf Hitler opposed animal cruelty." _Sarah added._

"And Ioseb Besarionis dze Dzhugashvili, despite being one of the most evil men in history, loved his mother to the very end." _Rolf said._

"...anyway, trusting people isn't bad per se. It's not a sign of weakness. Some people don't deserve your trust, but in most cases, if someone says they want to help, they want to help and nothing more, without expecting something in return."

_Marie looked down on the floor, ashamed._

"But... why?" _she asked, with subtle disbelief in her voice._ "We treated everyone we knew like shit for the last eight, nine, years of our lives, and now the same people are like 'no hard feelings, let us help'."

_I crouched slightly, so as to look her in the eyes._

"Because we are human beings."_ I replied. _"And you are as well."

_May, who was standing behind us, said nothing. Instead, she approached her sister and embraced her. This remains one of the most moving things I've seen in my life. No words, no sounds, no movements, just two sisters hugging each other._

_The moment was interrupted by the less-than-subtle entrance of Lee._

**Long author's notes are long.**

**Is it obvious this story isn't meant to be that serious? I mean, there's enough angstfests on this site, I like to throw a less dramatic moment every once in a while to break the tension.**

**Also, I really don't want to go "hurr durr it's all Kankers' mother's fault". The reasons for their behaviour will be explained down the story.**

**Or not. **

**Other than that, I don't want to paint all lower-class people sans Lee, May and Marie as addicts, lowlifes and trailer trash scum. While this stereotype is accurate to some extent (as I witnessed a few times), there are lots of genuinely good if sometimes bitter people working for a minimum wage.**

**The story May's writing is based on a recycled concept of mine. Namely: Edd is asexual, Marie is lesbian, they are roommates, and stuff happens to them. The "stuff" part was hard to come up with, so the idea was ditched.**

**And why the hell does the fanfiction dot net spelllchecker claims "lady" is "bias language"?**


	10. Still Less Filler Than Edarchy

**The title is a little jab towards a friend of mine. Hi Jamie.**

_The door were flung open and the oldest Kanker entered the room. Her red hair were tied in a bun and she wore an apron with the logo of a local fast-food restaurant. A folded piece of paper was sticking from her pocket. Judging by the frown on her face and the fact that the door nearly fell out of their hinges, she was upset, to say the least._

_Everyone looked at her. She also noticed that the trailer is more crowded as usual. We were all sitting on the edge of our seats, waiting for her reaction._

"We wanted to drop by, check out what's happening, and stuff..." _I said, trying to sound as convincing as possible._

"Calm down." _she interrupted. _"As long as you behave, I don't mind, suit yourselves." _She turned to her blonde sister. _"May, how's the dinner going?"

"The dinner..." _She facepalmed. _"Heck, I forgot."

"Whatevs. It's not a problem, I'll make it." _the redhead said with the same blunt tone and walked to the kitchen._

_We needed to keep an eye on her. She was a self-appointed leader of the trio, and seeing as May was rather warm and Marie was not, her attitude will be the best indicator of what to expect._

"Y'know dudes, I'm going to help her."_ Lame excuse, I admit. I stood up and walked to the kitchen. The redhead was standing in the kitchen, carefully examining Rolf's sword with visible interest and a subtle smile on her face. _

"Erm..."

_She raised her head and looked at me, putting the weapon back. _"What you're doing here?"

"Nothing, just wanted to help."_ I raised my hands._

"I don't need your help, but if you really wanna spend time with a pissed off white trash, then it's none of my business." _she shrugged. _"And tell the farmer his sword is cool as fuck."

_An opportunity to strike a conversation._

"You are interested in swords?"_ I asked._

"Knives. And, to a lesser extent, everything with a blade." _she said._ "You wanna see something?" she added, with an almost unnoticeable smile.

"Um, yeah, why not?" _At some point I'll get in trouble thanks to my curiosity._

"Promise not to freak out?"

"Okay, I promise."

_Lee approached one of the drawers and opened it. My eyes widened – there were about fifteen various knives in it, all of them in good condition._

"He who slays with sword, / Must place himself, attack and parry, turn; / He may disarm his foe, may stay the sword / Half-way; but with these fire-arms! 'tis enough /To touch the lock! a moment? one sole spark!..." _she muttered._

"What?"

"Nothing. Just a quote from a book I read once. I liked it. Anyway, three switchblades, two butterfly knives, I carry the third one on myself, two Bowies, a kukri, a corvo, a WW2 KA-BAR I got from a drunkard for a bottle of cider, one Swiss army knife, a dagger, a paratrooper knife, two out-the-fronts and a shank I made out of some piece of metal lying around."_ she said, showing me each one._

"Whoa..." _a shiver went down my spine._

"How long have you been collecting this stuff?"

"Five, six years or something. I even planned to get a machete on my 18, but my savings went to hell after the death of my ma."

"Yes, I heard about that, my condolences..."

"You know," _she interrupted me,_ "something tells me she wouldn't want me to sit down and mourn her for too long." _she said, her voice subtly changing to an unspecified tone. _"Don't get me wrong, I loved her, I think she was a good woman, and you have no idea how much I fuckin' miss her, but now I have two sisters to feed."

"Interrupting you two?"

_We turned to see Marie entering the kitchen. Darn. People in general are more honest when you talk to them with no-one around._

"Showing her your knife collection?"

_Lee closed the drawer. _"Yep. Just so she'll be sure to not mess with us."

_I could've sworn she was just genuinely happy that someone listened to her. But, as an old Chinese saying goes, 'don't argue with a trigger-happy trailer girl'._

"Trust me, I really didn't need to see your armoury to know that."_ I replied._

_The redhead pulled out a normal, worn-out kitchen knife from a different drawer and reached to the fridge to pull out a pack of sausages. She opened it and began quickly dicing the meat._

"So, will you tell me why are you so early at home?"_ Marie asked._

"The boss told me I can go home early."

"Is that a sugarcoated version of 'they fired my ass'?"

_The sound of the knife hitting the board became much louder._

"Yes."_ Lee said._ "A guy fired me for" _cue air quotes,_ "mistreating the customer."

"Define 'mistreating'." _I asked._

_The redhead finished chopping the sausages and pulled out a huge steel pot, a metal frying pan and a pack of pasta from the cupboards._

"Told him we don't sell avocado sandwiches." _she filled the pot with water, added salt, oil, and put it on the stove lid._ "'Cause we didn't. He started insulting me. I didn't care. Then, he spat in my face and called me a whore. So I grabbed his hair, slammed his face against the counter, and threw him out." _she said with indifference, as if she just told me about the weather._

"Dude, wasn't that a tad... overreacting?"

_Lee just gave me a blank stare._

"Maybe. Maybe I should just stand there and let him insult the hell of me."

"Um..." _I replied, uneasily,_ "...was that sarcasm?"

"No. I mean,..."

"Are you kidding me?" _Marie interrupted._ "If anyone did this to me, I would've smashed his face with a meat tenderizer or whatever was close."

_Lee turned to her sister, with a stern expression on her face._

"My dignity won't cover our bills."_ she said._ "And finding this goddamn job took me way too long."

_That reminded me of the banknote their neighbour told me to give the redhead. I pulled the money out._

"A neighbour of yours told me to give you this."

_Marie snatched the money from my hand._

"Not so fast. Do you remember the guy?"

"Does it matter?" _the blue-haired girl asked._ "Three seconds ago you said we need the cash."

"I just don't wanna end up with some drunkard on my porch claiming I owe him a blowjob or something."

"Dude's name was Steven, I think." _I answered. _"Fifty-something, balding, heavy a-" _At that point the gears in my head started spinning. Ed's last-second word swap, May's comment... _"Erm, Lee, can I ask you a personal question?"

"You can always ask, but I don't have to answer."

"Did the Eds..." _I was unable to finish the sentence._ _Mental images like that aren't my cup of tea._ "...did the Eds pay you to have sex with them?"

_The water in the pot began to boil. The girl turned around and poured the pasta into the pot._

"No." _the girl answered. _"They just gave me money and bought me a fuckton of food. And I feel like shit with it. Marie, fry the sausages."

"Why?"

_The redhead sat down in the booth, lowering her head, as if she wondered what to tell, or whether I'm the right person to trust._

_After a minute or so the meat began frying, stirred by the middle Kanker, and Lee was still silent. I've decided to try to repeat my speech from when Marie erupted and see what happens._

"Erm... you know, Lee, you and I have very little in common..."

"How long did it take to figure that out?" _she spat._

_At that point, not knowing how to approach the girl, I decided to implement the ultimate plan B, going along the lines of 'fornicate planning, try a spontaneous conversation'. I sat down in the booth opposite the redhead._

"Lee... can you just tell me what's wrong?"

"I probably woulda told you,"_ she replied,_ "but I don't know this myself."

_She's confused. That's a start._

"Why is that?"

_She stood up._

"On paper, I'm in the perfect position." _The girl started slowly walking around in circles, with her hands behind her back._ "Given the fact that 1-D and 2-D have the assertiveness of a worn-out doormat, I could've just go to them each week and ask for a few hundred bucks. Hell, Double D outright offered me this. But... I can't. I just cannot."

_Lee-dognad-Kanker not willing to milk someone dry. I have to admit, this surprised me._

"Surprising, eh?"

_...dude, get outta my head._

"For all my life I was always on top, always had a backup plan, in case everything goes to hell. And now, everything went to hell, and I don't. I have to rely on someone else helping me. If it wasn't for Ed and Double D's generosity, damn it, even Eddy helped a bit, I'd be sucking cocks for a living. I feel like shit with this. Marie, pasta."

_The blue-haired girl, who was as absorbed as I, spun around and grabbed the colander to drain the contents of the pot._

"It's not about the fact they help me per se."_ Lee went on. _"If 2-D really has nothing better to spend money on, I'm not gonna stop him. It's about the fact that I am powerless at the moment. And three guys who, for all I know about life, should hate my guts, are dish-, diner-, dis-in-te-restedly helping me."

"You sure about the dis-whatever part?"_ Marie pipes up._

"No, this is just all a big, overly complicated plot to utterly humiliate us."

"You know, I've been listening to you carefully..."_ I stood up and waited for the middle Kanker to interrupt me, but no such thing happened,_ "...and, truth be told, your behaviour is to some extent admirable."

"Yeah," _she chuckled,_ "I'm waiting for a Lifetime screening. 'Lee Kanker: A Tale of Trailer Trash Trollop'."

"Ha ha ha."_ I approached her, we looked each other in the eyes._ "But let's stop being sarcastic for a second. You know, you... amazed me, Lee."

"What, surprised that this bitch has some standards?"

"Stop referring to yourself as 'trailer trash' and 'prostitute', for starters."_ She clearly has some self-esteem issues. _"Despite this incredibly hard and painful blow, you are doing your best to make ends meet and take care of your sisters. I understand how hard is it for a, um..."

"Bully? Control freak?"

"...proud person..."_ I said, slowly._ "...to accept a situation like that. You are not alone though. If you need help, don't be ashamed to ask. Really. Everyone has his or her moments of weakness, and there's nothing wrong with that. The important thing is, to rebound, to not get dragged down by the obstacles at your path."

_I put my hand on her shoulder._

"You know, if you need someone to talk to, I'm pretty sure Rolf and I can listen to you and keep our mouths shut. You are not alone."

_Lee sighed._

"Nelly..."

"Nazz."

"Whatever." _the girl pulled out a pen and wrote my name on her palm._ "Just... thanks a lot."

"Okay, you wanted to help, so put this on the table." _Marie handed me seven plates and forks on them and pushed me out of the kitchen._ "I need to talk to Lee for a sec in private, 'kay? Nothing personal." _she added, then went back._

_I walked to the table. May and Rolf were lively discussing, while Sarah and Jimmy listened, slightly bored._

"...honestly, getting-drunk-wise it prolly is good, but taste-wise, yuck. Just like that joke goes: both sex in a kayak and American beer are fucking close to water."

_Sarah chuckled._

"What are you guys talking about?" _I asked, putting down the dishes._

"Rolf and the youngest Kanker-girl are discussing their experiences with vinification."

"I've been messing around with fruit wines for a few years. Apple, strawberry, peach, potato, dandelion... You wanna try it?"

"We'll pass."_ I really don't see myself explaining to mum and dad why there's smell of alcohol and weeds on my breath._

"Yeah, I get it. You want a bottle for your parents?"

"Dinner's ready!" _Marie put the pot on the table._ "Pasta with sausages. Serve yourselves."

_We all reluctantly filled our dishes and began eating. _

_For the next half hour we talked with Kankers about various things. And by 'Kankers' I mean 'May'. Her sisters were definitely less talkative, but said a word or two. We learned that Marie wants to go to college and study Computer Science ("I have bigger ambitions than having three children before twenty"), Lee's life goal is running a self-sustainable farm thirty miles from the nearest human settlement, and May keeps around about a hundred bottles of various wines and other home-made beverages in her cellar (read: hole beneath their trailer, supposedly dug by Eds a few years ago)._

_One thing felt odd though. True, their hobbies and interests are quite unusual and maybe inappropriate, but apart from that, they actually showed a bit of their human side, for lack of a better word. After three years of 'knowing' each other, it was extremely odd. I know it's a terrible comparison, but I felt like I just had a dinner with Hitler, and he just went 'What genocide?' with an honest smile on his face._

_After we were done eating, I decided to politely excuse ourselves and leave. I didn't want people to start worry about us._

"You know, I think we should go guys."_ I said._

"Yeah, have a nice day. I'll do the dishes." _Lee offered._

_May gave us a full bottle of wine each. Mine was marked 'Apple'._

"Oh, we really shouldn't..." _Jimmy started._

"I've got loads of this stuff. Just give it to your parents or something."

"Maybe we could sell some for an extra buck?" _Marie suggested._

"Good idea." The redhead approached us. "Thanks... for dropping by." She shook our hands.

"Not a problem." _I wasn't entirely sure of their intentions, but decided to take a risk._ "And I'm throwing a little party tomorrow. Wanna drop by?"

"I dunno..." _she tried to excuse herself._ "Technically, we're mourning..."

"You said your mother wouldn't want you to sit down and cry. One thousand eight hundred or so words ago." _I reminded her._

_She cursed under her breath._

"Y'know," _she looked at her palm, _"Nazz, we'd probably scare everyone away..."

_Marie whispered something to her ear. I heard only 'Double D suggested...' and then her voice became inaudible._

"Yeah, and now he's the bloody oracle, right?" _Lee told her._ "But I see his point." _She turned to me._ "Okay, we'll drop by."

"That's great!" _I smiled._ "Tomorrow, at 7 PM. You don't have any other plans..." _I asked, before realizing how stupid my question was._

"Well," _Marie replied, _"we need to watch grass grow, maybe someone will try to serenade us with MC Vagina's 'Show Me Your Genitals', but I guess this will have to wait."

"I get it."_ Yeah, those 'blonde moments' happen to me from time to time._

_Sarah looked at them with disbelief. _"You mean, like..."

"Yeah, someone did try this."_ Lee sighed._

"He was serious?!"

"Dead serious. I hate this place." _Marie spat._

"Okay, the delegation of Rathink Avenue is leaving now, hopefully-no-longer-a-nuisance Kanker-girls."

"Our names together have four syllables, y'know, overly-long-nicknamey... oh, never mind." _Marie's sarcasm failed this time._

"Anyway, good bye." _I grabbed the doorknob and pulled the door for them to fall off their hinges._

"I need to learn something about subtlety, don't I?" _Lee said._ "Go, I'll fix it."

**Yeah, Part One is little beyond blatant shovelling of the exposition, but I just want to establish Kankers as characters, not pairs of tits that will be shipped at some point, like 99% of the stories focusing on them do. True, I'm making lots of shit up regarding them, 'cause Lee, May and Marie were flat and nearly indistinguishable in canon, but I try to make it look plausible by trying to stick to those few things we know (like May being good at chemistry, so here she makes wine), mirroring the Eds' talents to some extent (e.g. Edd being good with machinery and Marie with computers), and just thinking what could interest a blunt antisocial trailer girl (Lee and knives).**


	11. Crowd Psychology

_We left the trailer park rather quickly, trying to avoid any random encounters. After the caravans disappeared behind a corner, we slowed down to a casual stroll and started talking about what we saw._

"So," _I started,_ "do you dudes think I did the right thing by inviting them to the party?"_ I wasn't going to take back my offer, I just needed a tiny bit of reassurance._

"Yes." _Rolf replied._

_That wasn't a fully satisfying answer._

"...elaborate."

"People change, Nazz-girl. After all, weren't Ed-boys a nuisance in the past?"

"Yeah, they were. Sort of." _Sarah replied._ "But they did it to get cash and buy jawbreakers. Kankers were doing it for shi-"

"Ahem."

"Laughs and lols." _the redhead corrected herself._

"Still, I don't think they're in the mischievous mood now." _Jimmy said._ "I guess we are safe at the moment."

"There's an Old Country saying: if we won't upset the rabid dogs, they won't attack." Rolf_ added._

_Sarah chuckled. _"Rabid dogs? More like rabid bi-"

"I swear, I'm going to tell Ed to wash your mouth with soap." _I interrupted her, slightly annoyed. _"On another topic, I need to buy some snacks and drinks for the party. Someone wants to help me carry them?"

"Rolf will gladly help."

"We probably should leave the wine at home before doing anything." _the blonde boy noticed. _

_At that point we suddenly realized that four minors carrying bottles of home-made alcohol aren't, well, socially acceptable. An old man on the other side of the street gave us a dirty look._

"...say, how about we take a turn at the alley?" _I suggested._

"Yeah."

"That's a good idea."

_We sped up, trying to hide the bottles under our clothes, hoping that no one else would notice us._

* * *

_The party was supposed to take place both indoors and outdoors. I put up a volleyball net and left a few balls loose in the backyard. I also downloaded some songs and made a mini karaoke stand inside. I put a DVD in the other room, to play some horror and/or a chick flick. Snacks and drinks were put on the table on the patio, so in case of rain or wind we could quickly move them inside. My parents left on a three-day trip, joking that I'd have enough time to clean up the mess. I just wanna point out that for them is more of an exception than a rule. Being an only child, I was their pride and joy, and they tried to spend a lot of time with me._

_Kevin arrived first, at about 6:15 PM. I was almost done with the preparations by then. Everything was on its supposed place, except for snacks, which I'd been putting on the table when he entered. He wore a bright green long-sleeved shirt, black tracksuit pants and running shoes, and looked absolutely awesome, being tall, rather well-built and all-around sexy. But this ain't Nazz/Kevin, so back on topic. _

"Hi- Aw c'mon, sweetheart, you could've asked me for help!" _he said, noticing that I almost finished._

"I can do this by myself, Kevin." _I blushed. _"But if you really wanna help, here." _I handed him a stack of plastic cups, a marker, and a list of all the guests._ "Write the names on the cups."

"Okay. Is everyone here?"

"Dang, I forgot a few."_ I took the sheet of paper, wrote the Kankers' names on it, and gave it back to Kevin. He skimmed through it._

"Cutie pie, why are Lee, May and Marie on the list?" _he asked, with a hint of surprise in his voice._

"Because I invited them."

_He raised his head and looked at me, confused._

"...what?"

"Okay, lemme explain..."

_I told him everything I knew about the situation. That their mother had passed away, that the Eds were helping them, that I visited them, and that I considered them mostly harmless. I skipped the part with Marie and the revolver though, and hoped that she won't have it on herself during the party._

"...and that's the whole story."

"I dunno." _my BF scratched his head._ "You and Double D usually know what you're doing, but I still have my doubts."

"People change, pumpkin. I mean, three years ago you hated the Eds with a passion, and now you're getting along pretty well. Heck, you said multiple times that, and I quote, 'Double D is one', ahem, 'heck of a great guy, if you've got something against him, you've got something against me'"

"That's not the same thing!" _he exclaimed. _"I mean, Double D stood up to me when coach wanted to kick me outta the football team, and helped me with those freaking physics exams. Besides, Eddy apologized for being an a-hole and stopped scamming everyone."

"But they also needed to make that first move. Dude, small steps." _I put my arm on his shoulder._ "I'm sure that, while Kankers aren't going to end up as model citizens, they won't try anything stupid." _I kissed him on the forehead._ "And if they will, I know my knight in shining armour is going to protect me."

_Kevin blushed a bit._ "You're right, I guess."

_I smiled. _"We just gotta give'em a chance. Now, let's sign those cups."

* * *

_The people began arriving at around 6:45. Everyone who came took a cup with his name off the table. By 7:15 there were only seven of them remained._

"So, who didn't show up?"_ Kevin asked._

_I picked up the cups one by one._ "Lee, Nat, Ed, May, Marie, Double D, Lee and Eddy."

"The short stack probably sneaked in and now hides in a corner." _Kevin stated._ "He'll prolly pop up any second."

"Does he knows me or what?"

_We turned to see Eddy standing next to us. He was wearing a white suit with a pink shirt underneath that pretty much screamed "stuck in the seventies". Kev took one look at him and began laughing uncontrollably._

"What's with the guy?" _the black-haired dude asked, grabbing a cup with his name._

_I smiled._ "No idea. Where are Ed and Double D?"

"Monobrow went to get Sockhead." _Eddy replied._ "He did his darndest to weasel himself outta this. But I ain't gonna let him this time."

_The doorbell ringed._

"Gotta be them."

_We went to answer. _

"Who's that?"

"Two Eds, hold the onions!" _Ed exclaimed on the other side, cheerfully._

_I unlocked the door and opened it to see the redhead carrying his blonde companion over his shoulder._

"Edward Horace Amicus, put me down!" Double D demanded.

"Okie-dokie!" _Ed put his friend on the ground, snatched his stocking hat and replaced it with a black trilby. Edd had told a few trusted people, myself included, about his past reasons to cover his head. I personally thought he'd look cool and mature with gray hair, but hey, his head, his choices._

"Nice hat." _Eddy said from behind me._ "You should consider sticking to it. It looks better than that sock you always wear."

_I made a gesture for the duo to enter. Kevin, who meanwhile stopped laughing, stepped forward with his hand outstretched to greet the newcomers._

"Now, the only ones missing are Kankers and Nat." _I remarked._

_Eddy scowled._ "Screw that potsexual freak."

"Pansexual." _Double D corrected him._

"Doesn't matter, he's a perverted dick anyway."

"Could you please stop swearing?" _I frowned._ "And why you don't like him so much?"

"Have you even seen how the guy introduced himself? 'Hi, I'm Nathan. But you can call me King Of Butts.'" _he said in a mocking tone._ "Those darn ASTDs..."

"LGBT."

"Whatevs."

"Shouldn't you be more tolerant?"_ I asked._

"Aw c'mon, the whole thing is just an excuse to get away with everything! Because if you call out someone who's gay on something, you gotta be 'a homophone' and 'districtating him'..."

"It's 'homophobe' and 'discriminating', Eddy." _Double D was getting tired of fixing his friend's mistakes._

"...and you can't even be a friend with another guy, cause now everyone assumes you're buttfucking each other! Sorry, Nazz,"_ he added, seeing my disappointed face,_ "I needed to get this outta my syste-"

_His rant was interrupted by a loud bang from the backyard._

"Marie, do something like this once again and I'll burn all your magazines." _we heard Lee telling off her sister._ "Okay, people, get in, it'll take a moment and we're out."

_A few guests, scared out of their wits, entered the house through the back door, followed by the Kankers._

"Hi." _Lee turned towards me. _"Sorry for being late. And sorry for scaring the people, I need to talk to Marie about her habit to solve everything with a .357. Shot at the air, no one was hurt."_ she added._ "I'm just gonna announce something and we're on our way." _She turned to the crowd._ "Are the Eds here?"

"I frickin' knew it." _Eddy muttered._ "It's between us, keep everyone else outta this." _he said loudly._

"Uh, calm down, okay?" _May said from behind her sisters, slightly raising her hands. _"We really come in peace. Marie's just a bit... too trigger-happy for her own good."

"I just wanted you three to see what we're about to do." _Lee added._ "Anyway, everyone, sit down or something."

_We did as ordered. A few people sat on chairs, most of them though did so on the floor, cross-legged. Kankers weren't the type of people you didn't obey. I leaned against the wall, half-disturbed, half-curious about what's going to happen._

_Lee pulled out a hip flask and took a sip out of it._

"I don't have to introduce myself, you all know us. We're those three trailer trash tools tormenting the neighbourhood for the past few years."

_She took another sip and wiped her mouth._

"And we're here to apologize for everything."

_Everyone's eyes widened, some people opened their mouths._

"Now, I know what you're thinking." _she went on._ "'Is that bitch naïve enough to think we're going to believe her?' Truth be told, I don't even believe myself, but stay with me for a moment and I'll try to explain this."

_Again, the girl put a flask to her lips and took a huge gulp._

"A short recap of my past few weeks: I was in deep shit. My mother died and I needed the cash to pay for my food and bills. And the three guys here, 1-D, 2-D and Eddy" _she pointed at the Eds,_ "helped me out."

_The crowd turned to the trio, staring at them, surprised._

"Instead of kicking me in the face or," _she paused for half a second, _"otherwise taking advantage, they gave me a few bucks, bought a crapton of food and helped me with some paperwork. I don't get it, I don't fucking get it..."

_Lee paused, downed the flask and tossed it to her sister._

"Still," _she went on, _"this doesn't mean that I'm now gonna attend a mass every Sunday. I was a cynical sadistic twat and the only difference is that now I'm a grateful cynical sadistic twat. I don't expect you to forgive us, but at least try to tolerate my and my sisters' existence. We'll just stay in our trailer park, and won't bother anyone, unless bothered first." _she put her emphasis on last three words._ "And, again, we're sorry."

_After that, silence. No one dared to say a thing, everyone was processing what did just happen in front of our eyes._

_Then Eddy started clapping._

_Ed did the same. Then Double D. Then Rolf. Then I. After a few seconds we were all clapping for the Kankers, who just stood there, averting our gazes._

_After half a minute the applause began to die down. Eddy stopped clapping as the last one._

"We'd like to thank the Academy." _Marie joked._

_The short Ed stood up and turned to the crowd._

"So, do we accept the apology?"

"Dunno." _someone at the back said._ "I mean, you three had it the worst. What do you think?"

"Me?" _he replied._ "I'll take it."

_Everyone's jaw hit the floor. _

_Eddy silently turned to the redhead and outstretched his hand. After a moment Lee shook it. Then he turned to Marie. She looked at him with disbelief, but returned the gesture. Then May, who gave him a friendly hug instead._

"Okay," _Lee broke the silence._ "we gotta go."

"Wait." _the son of a shepherd stood up._ "Rolf believes that we can spend time together without major disturbances," he turned to the others, "yes?"

"...yeah." _someone replied uneasily._

"...sure."

"Why not?"

"But hand the gun over first." _I said._

_Before Marie had a chance to protest, May grabbed the revolver and shoved it into my hands. Twiddling with it, I managed to open it and six bullets and two empty things that remain when you fire fell out of the drum. I wonder who the second one was aimed at. _

"Y'know, I've been drinking..." _Lee tried to weasel out._

"Apple juice." _The blonde Kanker smiled faintly._ "I thought you should be sober while saying, erm, such serious things."

_The redhead groaned. _

"Lee, can we stay?" _May asked._ "Please?"

_The redhead turned to the blue-haired girl._ "Marie, whatcha think?"

_The girl shrugged._ "Dunno. It might be fun."

_Lee sighed and put her arm around her blonde sister._

"Alright, if you really wanna, okay."

_May squeezed her sister, smiling. Lee patted her head._

* * *

_The party continued without further problems. After an hour or so everyone was fully relaxed, as if nothing happened in the first place._

_Kankers mostly stood at the sidelines, watching everything from the distance. The Eds and Rolf chatted with May and Lee from time to time. Marie seemed rather distrustful and haven't said a thing to them._

_People started leaving at about 11 PM. I asked the Kankers to stay to the very end, because I wanted to speak to them in private. They did so, and when the last person left, I asked them to sit down on the couch for a minute._

"Thanks for coming."

"No problem." _May smiled faintly._ "And thanks for inviting us."

"So, what are you going to do now?"_ I asked._

"The farmer offered me a little side job." _Lee replied._ "He needs some fresh fish, and I offered I'll bring him some for a price. I want to start earning some of my own money instead of leeching off people."

"But if he'll try to screw us over..." _Marie started._

"He won't." _I interrupted her._ "He has his weird customs, but is a really great guy. And you really shouldn't see everyone as a potential threat. People by default aren't evil."

"I beg to differ." _the blue-haired girl replied._ "And I'd rather treat a good guy like shit than get fucked sideways by a douchebag."

"Y'know," _Lee stood up,_ "it's getting late, and I'd rather be at home. We can discuss our outlooks on life later, okay?"

"Okay." _I shook the redhead's and blonde's hands. Marie wasn't that eager to return the gesture, but did so after her sisters nudged her._

"See you soon." _I bid them farewell._

"Yeah, see ya." _Lee muttered._

"And, you know, if you need someone to talk to, drop by. It's not a problem."

_They turned around and looked at me._

"...thanks, Nora."

"Nazz." _I corrected her._

_Lee sighed._ "I'm going to need a fucking cheat sheet. Thanks anyway."

_They left the house, slamming the door. I was left alone with my thoughts. And a house to clean up, but that's not the point._

_I wasn't sure what to think about the girls' behaviour. On one hand, they're blunt, aggressive and distrustful. On the other hand, this apology seemed to prove that they want to do something with their lives. Either it was a very well played act (Eddy had read a fic like that, Forefit or something), or they just have no idea what to do or if they will have enough money to survive a day, but, as Ed had remarked, are too proud to admit it._

_Only time would tell. _

**End of Part 1. **

**And now that "Shovelling The Exposition and TF2 References" is concluded, I have a few more things to say.**

**First of all, thank you. Thanks a bloody lot for reading this story, I am very pleasantly surprised that so many people want to read this. Double thanks for everyone who reviewed and pointed out my mistakes. I mean, when I started, I was _somehow_ unaware that dialogue should be in quotes. **

**Second, I made a few tweaks to the story. Most notably, I rewrote the whole first chapter and parts of the third one. Check it out, especially the latter, it will have some significance later on. When I started writing this, I planned to end this after chapter four, and now that it's continued, some things had to be retconned. I'll try to not overuse it later on.**

**Third, I'm going to take a little break from writing this and take care of the Regret Tetralogy. I also have some other ideas for different stories in the back of my head.**

**Again, thanks and see you soon!**

**PS If you haven't done so yet, check out my dA profile (bvader95). I've recently uploaded a little feulietton named "The Kanker sisters should get a spin-off." No, I'm not trolling.**


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